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Age gaps - how much is too much

Is a 34-year age difference

  • Sick

    Votes: 6 27.3%

  • What's the problem

    Votes: 3 13.6%

  • Not sure

    Votes: 8 36.4%

  • Don't care

    Votes: 5 22.7%
  • Total voters
    22
BDBoop said:
You do come across as young. :) And I hear ya. My dad's not my bio dad, and my mom's adopted. I did find my bio dad's family, and there is some longevity to be hoped for.
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yeah. in today's world where the sky seems to be falling around every corner....i find immaturity a virtue.
i've thought about doing a search on the family history. but believe it or not, even at age 42 i feel like it'd
be insulting to my parents; even though they've both told me to time and again.
anyway...back on topic....to me it feels funny because she's 16. i mean, i know 16 is only 2 years younger
than 18, but for some reason there seems a huge difference in my mind. i would've never even considered
hooking up with my wife if she would've been 16. that's like a sophomore in high school. it would just feel
"wrong" to me. what would i do? take her to the jr. prom?
 
Canell said:
I know that. You have specified 34 in you poll. I just wanted to point out that this age difference is enough to be her father but hardly her grandfather.

Btw, ancient Greek standards for marriage are as follows:

man - 35
woman - 25 :)

Cheers!
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No, he could conceivably be her grandfather. In fact, she would be younger than the two women would need to be allow this to happen. Child born at 17, then grandchild born when person is 34 (child is 17 year old parent), then that would put a person at old enough to be grandparent. In fact, an age difference of 25-30 years is actually enough to think of the older as old enough to be the younger's grandparent.
 
lewstherin said:
yeah. in today's world where the sky seems to be falling around every corner....i find immaturity a virtue.
i've thought about doing a search on the family history. but believe it or not, even at age 42 i feel like it'd
be insulting to my parents; even though they've both told me to time and again.
anyway...back on topic....to me it feels funny because she's 16. i mean, i know 16 is only 2 years younger
than 18, but for some reason there seems a huge difference in my mind. i would've never even considered
hooking up with my wife if she would've been 16. that's like a sophomore in high school. it would just feel
"wrong" to me. what would i do? take her to the jr. prom?
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Exactly! And even though somebody up there said well, she's so aged by what she's been through; hell. Okay, so say she dates somebody in his mid 20's. But no, she went 25 years beyond that. And of course I'm wondering, why not Joe Blow hanging out at the corner bar? There's plenty of 50 year-olds without her going for this actor.

My mom found her birth family. It promptly depressed the **** out of her. It's like she went from upper middle class family to carnies. My sister and I met them and went o, no ciento. One of them is doing 150 years for something to do with sex and children. 150 years. What can a person do to get sentenced to 150 years? Criminy.
 
BDBoop said:
-- The rest of them, they're all adults --snip-- But this just feels ewww.
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How would you legislate or prevent such relationships then? And how would you allow young adults who DO want to marry to have relationships because that's going to happen.

If she was now 20+ and he was now 55 you wouldn't have a problem?
 
Infinite Chaos said:
How would you legislate or prevent such relationships then? And how would you allow young adults who DO want to marry to have relationships because that's going to happen.

If she was now 20+ and he was now 55 you wouldn't have a problem?
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My squickies wouldn't be kicking in anywhere near as much, no.

No legislating or prevention. A parent signed off, so they are good to go.
 
Infinite Chaos said:
Haven't the 16 year old's parents signed off in this case too?
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Dude, seriously? You quoted what I just said. I was referring to the 16 year-old's parents. Who did you think I was talking about?
 
I think the only thing I have an issue with is her age.. She is 16.. That is way to young for marriage.. I don't mind the number of years that seperate them, I mind her not being at least 18 before they get married..

I think her parents are total gold diggers and that is why they are whoring their daugher off to a movie star.. They are looking for the increase in income and the guarenteed retirement.. Of course she can simply pop out a couple of kids and then divorce him and take him for all he has.. Isn't america great??

For the record, I am 12 years older than my wife.. I met her when she was 18 and I was 30... We have been together for 12 years..
 
BDBoop said:
-- Who did you think I was talking about?
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My apologies BDB, I thought that was in response to my question about allowing other teens if we were to try and prevent such relationships between teens and much older people.

Must be my age.... ;)
 
I don't see it as wasteful spending when it makes it possible for our young people to get a good nights sleep bfeore they put their asses on the line following orders.

Having lived in the damn desert for over 20 years I can tall you that trying to sleep without AC SUCKS BIG TIME. I have done it when power was out.

They might want to change the Temp a few degrees but get the hell off their backs or sign up.
 
Infinite Chaos said:
My apologies BDB, I thought that was in response to my question about allowing other teens if we were to try and prevent such relationships between teens and much older people.

Must be my age.... ;)
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My sister and I are 13 months apart, and we're already joking about the brain farts.
 
Councilman said:
I don't see it as wasteful spending when it makes it possible for our young people to get a good nights sleep bfeore they put their asses on the line following orders.

Having lived in the damn desert for over 20 years I can tall you that trying to sleep without AC SUCKS BIG TIME. I have done it when power was out.

They might want to change the Temp a few degrees but get the hell off their backs or sign up.
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Somehow you ended up in the wrong thread, Sir.
 
roguenuke said:
No, he could conceivably be her grandfather. In fact, she would be younger than the two women would need to be allow this to happen. Child born at 17, then grandchild born when person is 34 (child is 17 year old parent), then that would put a person at old enough to be grandparent. In fact, an age difference of 25-30 years is actually enough to think of the older as old enough to be the younger's grandparent.
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That's why I wrote "hardly", not impossible. But come on, father at 17 and than again grandfather at 34? That's way too strangly fast. Life is much more than reproduction and we are not living in the 15-th century.
 
I think as you get older the gap widens a big. And by older I mean into that 30 and 50's+ range. Like...a 35 and 55 year old seems less "weird" to me than a 18 and 38 year old.

You can always go with the hypothetical "(Age / 2) + 8)" theory.

Really, I think a lot of times it has to do with the maturity level of th individual as well. I've seen 30 year olds that I wouldn't find it too "weird" that they're taking a 19 year old because they still have the maturity level of college kids. But yeah, in general large age gaps are weird. My wife has a friend who, due to her parents having a large age gap (38 and 63, both remarried, when they had her) and having daddy issues, tends to go for much older guys. The few times she's dated them she then tries to bring them around to be a "part of the group"...yet you have a bunch of 25-35 year olds hanging out with a guy in his 50's at a bar and it...just doesn't mesh well.
 
As long as they're both adults, I don't see anything wrong with it. Sixteen is plenty old enough. That said, I'm unlikely to pursue anyone that isn't within around ten years of me barring exceptional circumstances.
 
StillBallin75 said:
Personally I would like to stick to someone in my age group.
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If you wash up right after the deed, you won't have so many problems with the stickiness.
 
BDBoop said:
My squickies wouldn't be kicking in anywhere near as much, no.

No legislating or prevention. A parent signed off, so they are good to go.
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That's the part that disturbs me. An age difference of that many years when either party is a legal adult, I don't have a problem with. 16 is still a child. I'm also grossed out imagining that he has probably known since she was even younger than that.
 
Canell said:
That's why I wrote "hardly", not impossible. But come on, father at 17 and than again grandfather at 34? That's way too strangly fast. Life is much more than reproduction and we are not living in the 15-th century.
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My cousin had 3 kids by the time she graduated high school. And it would not surprise me if one of her children had a child before they got out of high school.

And it does happen. It wouldn't even have to be that precise (17 and 17). There is a lot of teenage pregnancy. If the father/mother was born when one of his/her parents was between 12 and 16 (possible for them to be younger but rare), then he/she could have been between 18 and 22. It also works the other way around too. Most people would consider that pretty young to have children, but it is not as rare as people would think, especially if the father's/mother's father was between the ages necessary and left before or right after the baby was born. Then it actually increases the chance of the child having a baby during the teenage years.
 
As long as they're both over 18 it can be 18 and 10000 for all I care.
 
For me personally.
I NEVER let my daughter at 16 date a grown man, ever.

For me personally and my life I have dated 12 up(Me 24 her 36) and 10 down (me 28 her 18)

I would never date a minor though technically I did when I was 19, I dated a 17 year,old but I dont considered that a grown man dating a 16 year old like in this case.

Now to each their own if the relationship is a healthy happy one :shrug:
Its hard to believe it is and my only concern is because the girl is a minor and it seems like of course its agenda driven but I don't know.
If they were both legal adults id have no concerns, its none of my business.
Technically this isnt either since the parent signed off but since I was asked i threw in my 2 cents.

On a side note I coach softball, Ive had girls 16 hit on me and say absolutely ridiculous stuff and theres another team I work with that is older 19U and they do the same and two have even flat asked me out or to "hook up"

Well, I DONT LIKE IT lol
don't get me wrong, Im a man and quite frankly some of these girls look like women and are VERY VERY physically attractive but mentally something inside me just wont let me cross that line. Maybe because my daughter is 15.

My team 16U with some girls 17 I yell at them when they do that stuff.
The 19U team isnt mine so I laugh and play it off and sometimes tell them thats enough or ask what in the hell do they want with somebody almost double their age but they just laugh and keep doing it. It even got serious with one girl where I had to have a talk with her and explain to her to knock it off and she cant act like that. I got freaked out when she sent me pictures the day after her 18th birthday.

Some of them even laugh and ask my daughter how she'd feel about an 18 year old mom?! lol

Anyway I could never do it, not a minor, not a brand new adult, at least I dont think I could.

But anyway I guess the reality is these things happen, and they happen more often than we talk about or acknowledge.

Adults? who cares none of my business.
Minors and adults have to not break the law and be careful and if they do its nobody's business. :shrug:
 
My wife and I got together at a rainbow gathering when she was 18 and I was 35. We both considered it a "fling", but it never ended.

That was 11 years ago, and while the age difference has caused problems here and there, I would consider our relationship above average.

MOST of the guys I know in long term relationships really look forward to "escaping" from their partners as often as possible. My wife and I still really enjoy each other's company.

That said, the only real concern is longevity. My moms side, not so good. My dads on the other hand, pretty damn good. My pat grandmother went to a home when she couldn't take care of it by herself anymore. Last I heard she was 100 and pushing other folks in their wheelchairs to activities she facilitates, and I take after my dad in basic health, so there's hope!:2wave:
 
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