Is cyber sex/sexting "cheating"

[BDBoop]

Weiner said he didn't cheat. Agree, or disagree?

 

[MKULTRABOY]

Not sure, I may not mind my lover getting some sexual entertainment from a disembodied person afar. Internet flirtation seems harmless. But if they met things would change real fast.

 

[roguenuke]

I think it would depend on how his wife views it and how she has expressed that belief to him (if it has come up).

I'm pretty sure my husband would consider it cheating and I would consider it cheating if he did it to me, however, it wouldn't be nearly as bad as actually sleeping with someone else. And I know there are some couples who consider it cheating if their partner just looks at other people naked, just as there are other couples that only view it as cheating if having sex outside of marriage involved love or some emotional intimacy with the person outside of the marriage.

 

[Your Star]

It depends on how their relationship works, and the boundaries they have set for themselves.

 

[BDBoop]

So ... shoot. I sorta don't know what to think. Say no boundaries were ever set. Would he then be - in my estimation, you don't do anything behind your partner's back that you wouldn't feel perfectly comfortable doing in front of their face. Is that naive?

 

[samsmart]

Weiner said he didn't cheat. Agree, or disagree?

So ... shoot. I sorta don't know what to think. Say no boundaries were ever set. Would he then be - in my estimation, you don't do anything behind your partner's back that you wouldn't feel perfectly comfortable doing in front of their face. Is that naive?

I think that the default assumption when you marry somebody is that you keep all sexual relations between you and your spouse. Now spouses may have an open relationship of some kind or to some degree, but that needs to be discussed between them beforehand.

So yeah, I consider cybersex/sexting cheating. If a person in a relationship needs to go outside that relationship for sexual gratification of any kind without the knowledge of the partner then something is wrong with the relationship.

I could be that the partner isn't sexually gratifying the person or the person's sexual appetite is too much to be satiated by the partner. In any case, though, if someone is going behind the back of their partner something is wrong. Which is why I consider it cheating if it was done to me or I was doing it to someone else.

Then again, I wouldn't do it to someone else. I would have had enough balls to address the issue with the woman I was married to and if that didn't get resolved then I would man up and divorce her. Life is too short to be in a relationship that doesn't make both the people in it happy.

 

[Redress]

To me, no. However, it depends on the two people in the real world relationship. They are the ones who set their boundaries.

 

[DiAnna]

My first instinct was to look for the "Hell yes!" option. Then I thought about it for a moment. If I learned my husband was talking dirty to women on the internet, and had actually established a long-term "relationship" with a half-dozen of them, I'd certainly feel personally betrayed. It's something that in the decades I've been online I have never done, would never even consider doing.

And yet... apparently Weiner's wife knew about those relationships. Whether she knew they had continued after their marriage would be the question. Did she know, and believe it harmless fun for a man with power who really, really liked having his ego stroked? Perhaps it was kinda like internet porn... wives know that their husbands probably view it but don't bother asking because they know if he does, he will be embarrassed to admit it.

Whether it's cheating or not depends on each individual relationship, and the expectations they have communicated with each other. In many relationships, yes, it would be cheating, and it would be a hurtful betrayal. In others, it would be accepted with tacit approval as an "outlet" or harmless flirtation, and would not be considered as cheating.

It's my guess that Weiner's wife is more hurt by the fact that he lied to her about the photo, and nationally embarrassed her by his pathetic cover-up attempts than she is by the fact that he is continuing the same online flirtations that she knew about prior to their marriage. This is just one of those things that couples have to communicate to each other at the beginning of the relationship.

 

[Ikari]

Just sexting? I think perhaps it's a betrayal of trust, and I suppose some could say that's cheating. But it did lack the physical act itself so it could be said that technically (if you like those terms) it wasn't.

 

[StillBallin75]

depends on one's definition of cheating.

 

[cpwill]

So ... shoot. I sorta don't know what to think. Say no boundaries were ever set. Would he then be - in my estimation, you don't do anything behind your partner's back that you wouldn't feel perfectly comfortable doing in front of their face. Is that naive?

when you marry someone, usually you exchange vows. I would say those are the 'boundaries' until such time as the two of you explicitly change them in mutual agreement.

as for whether or not it's cheating to seek some form of sexual fulfillment from others and to give it to them in return outside of your marriage...

...“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart...

I would say certainly he was unfaithful in his heart.

 

[pbrauer]

depends on one's definition of cheating.

Agreed, it depends upon what the spouse/partner thinks. To me, cheating is a physical relationship.

 

[LuckyDan]

Agreed, it depends upon what the spouse/partner thinks. To me, cheating is a physical relationship.

There is also such a thing as the "emotional affair." No physical contact, but the damage can be just as real and difficult to overcome.

 

[Gargantuan]

It really depends to me. Is it cheating per se? I don't think so, primarily because we are talking about no physical contact, and they didn't even know each others' names. That said, it is still something that would get to me and I would be very angry at my wife if she did something like this. But would I consider it to be less unfaithful than all out physical cheating ie sex/dating/whatever? Absolutely. By a long shot.

 

[lpast]

I really dont know...but I put yes because my wife says it is

 

[BDBoop]

I really dont know...but I put yes because my wife says it is

My husband and I defined that we would feel betrayed if the other so much as kissed someone else. So I was completely blindsided when I found out he was having cyber sex. A man can have cyber sex with his wife. So him going elsewhere shouldn't be necessary. Unless, you know; he's straying.

 

[BDBoop]

I guess the question becomes how much broken trust is too much? What qualifies as betrayal?

 

[Josie]

Absolutely it's cheating.

 

[Josie]

Agreed, it depends upon what the spouse/partner thinks. To me, cheating is a physical relationship.

The bond between man and wife isn't just physical, but emotional as well. Making that kind of emotional or physical bond with someone else is cheating. Don't you think?

 

[BDBoop]

Agreed, it depends upon what the spouse/partner thinks. To me, cheating is a physical relationship.

So if you found out that your wife couldn't stop thinking about another guy, and she was always chatting with him on IM or phone, and sharing things she doesn't tell you anymore, it's okay because it's not physical?

 

[Your Star]

The bond between man and wife isn't just physical, but emotional as well. Making that kind of emotional or physical bond with someone else is cheating. Don't you think?

Depends on the person, and the relationship. There is no one right answer here.

 

[StillBallin75]

The bond between man and wife isn't just physical, but emotional as well. Making that kind of emotional or physical bond with someone else is cheating. Don't you think?

100% agree.

 

[Aunt Spiker]

Weiner said he didn't cheat. Agree, or disagree?

He cheated like a rich girl at Harvard on test day . . . you bet your butt.

Just not the traditional 'cheating' that most people envision. But once visuals take place or verbals ad nauseum it crosses that line.

 

[celticwar17]

i think as a general rule, if the subject was never talked about... it can be considered as cheating. Now if you already discussed the matter beforehand then depends on what you discussed.

 

[Josie]

Depends on the person, and the relationship. There is no one right answer here.

A relationship where emotional and/or physical bonds with other people is encouraged/permitted/etc. doesn't seem like much of a relationship to me.