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Life Changing Info

_Sal said:
What is the most life changing or important piece of advice or information you have been given or acquired over the years?
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To never tell anyone what the most life changing or important piece of advice or information you have been given or acquired actually is. :)
 
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_Sal said:
What is the most life changing or important piece of advice or information you have been given or acquired over the years?
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Great topic!

I'd like to toss out several, and they've all had huge impacts in my life:

In specific: "Never step into a courtroom without a lawyer"

In general: "Surround yourself with good and trusted professional advisers and tradesmen, cultivate them and pay & treat them fairly, and most importantly: Listen to them!"

In political and professional relations: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!" <-- Machiavelli absolutely got this one right!

And in romantic relationships (from my father): "Marry well" <-- You'll never go wrong picking someone better than you!*

*If I had to pick only one, this would be it.
 
Chomsky said:
Great topic!

I'd like to toss out several, and they've all had huge impacts in my life:

In specific: "Never step into a courtroom without a lawyer"

In general: "Surround yourself with good and trusted professional advisers and tradesmen, cultivate them and pay & treat them fairly, and most importantly: Listen to them!"

In political and professional relations: "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer!" <-- Machiavelli absolutely got this one right!

And in romantic relationships (from my father): "Marry well" <-- You'll never go wrong picking someone better than you!*

*If I had to pick only one, this would be it.
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pick someone better than you....I like that...I always try to choose friends that are smarter than me too...and kinder...lol
 
Tim the plumber said:
Never take anybody's advice.
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_Sal said:
yes, think for yourself is a good one
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Wow.

I spent my entire life going from never listening to anyone, to coming to appreciate the opinions of those I trust, and those who have more expertise than I do.

I now see these same 'not listen to anyone' qualities in my 19y.o. son, and it reminds me of myself then.

Interesting the differences we see in this ...
 
_Sal said:
pick someone better than you....I like that...I always try to choose friends that are smarter than me too...and kinder...lol
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Absolutely!

I would say that's the number one advice I was ever given!

And then you find their presence will cause you to improve yourself!

Whether we like it or not, we are influenced, even if subconsciously, by our relationships - especially the romantic ones; and that goes in spades for marriage!
 
_Sal said:
What is the most life changing or important piece of advice or information you have been given or acquired over the years?
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The day I stepped into Alcoholics Anonymous 25 years ago this may and learned that all my troubles were of my own making, that I could change through spiritual growth and learned that the path to happiness is helping others
 
Two pieces in my case.

First one was: Don't sweat the small stuff.

Second one was: It's ALL small stuff. Just enjoy life...this is not a dress rehearsal.
 
Tim the plumber said:
Never take anybody's advice.
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Never take the advice of anyone who has not personally been through whatever, or a trusted professional.

The other thing in life is that "my way" might get me there, but it likely won't be the best way. It was the difference between a ****ting old bathroom and a nice tiled floor job with an enclosed tub and separate lighting over the shower stall.
 
Fearandloathing said:
The day I stepped into Alcoholics Anonymous 25 years ago this may and learned that all my troubles were of my own making, that I could change through spiritual growth and learned that the path to happiness is helping others
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Good one, F.

Way back, I took a awareness expansion instruction. It was very much like est...with some minor changes and tweaks.

I got it.

My troubles are all of my own making.

I've had cancer...and even that I managed to put into that category. The cancer I did not create...but any fear about it (or its treatment) were on me.

Once you get that...truly grok it...it changes the way you deal with your life.
 
Fearandloathing said:
The day I stepped into Alcoholics Anonymous 25 years ago this may and learned that all my troubles were of my own making, that I could change through spiritual growth and learned that the path to happiness is helping others
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Good move!

Irrespective of the alcohol angle, I feel the basic tenets of AA and other 12 step programs are good advice to live by!

And in some cases, not just to 'live by', but to have the gift of 'life' itself.

I can't say enough good about AA!
 
Chomsky said:
Good move!

Irrespective of the alcohol angle, I feel the basic tenets of AA and other 12 step programs are good advice to live by!

And in some cases, not just to 'live by', but to have the gift of 'life' itself.

I can't say enough good about AA!
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Two days ago I had been through a physical ordeal, pouring rain and public transit all day. So when I attempted to get a deal on cheese on the market, it kind of went sideways and I hit bureaucracy and I snapped at an employee. Most people simple go on and forget it. I can't. If I allow negative and nasty **** I do to build up, I will use again. And it is a very short distance between my first drink and my last breath. So yesterday, when I could I took the man aside and apologized for being uncivil. As usual he said it was "nothing" don't worry about it.

Now when I see him I won't go into emotional overdrive remember my shame in doing that; and that is called living in peace.

Much of the AA program comes from about three things, experience with the Oxford group of the day who sought to be better men for their wives, a hodgepodge of self improvement ideas including Dale Carnegies' 'How to Make Friends and Influence People, but mostly from the Book of James in the Bible and even takes the phrase "faith without works is dead". Nearing a hundred years old now, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is dated, poorly written and in many areas borderline plagiarism....but it works and, due to the non make up of AA, will likely never be changed
 
Fearandloathing said:
Two days ago I had been through a physical ordeal, pouring rain and public transit all day. So when I attempted to get a deal on cheese on the market, it kind of went sideways and I hit bureaucracy and I snapped at an employee. Most people simple go on and forget it. I can't. If I allow negative and nasty **** I do to build up, I will use again. And it is a very short distance between my first drink and my last breath. So yesterday, when I could I took the man aside and apologized for being uncivil. As usual he said it was "nothing" don't worry about it.

Now when I see him I won't go into emotional overdrive remember my shame in doing that; and that is called living in peace.

Much of the AA program comes from about three things, experience with the Oxford group of the day who sought to be better men for their wives, a hodgepodge of self improvement ideas including Dale Carnegies' 'How to Make Friends and Influence People, but mostly from the Book of James in the Bible and even takes the phrase "faith without works is dead". Nearing a hundred years old now, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is dated, poorly written and in many areas borderline plagiarism....but it works and, due to the non make up of AA, will likely never be changed
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Yep, you hit the nail on the head: "To live in peace".

AA isn't the only way in my opinion, and I can't say I subscribe to every single item they sell, but it is a very good general blueprint I believe, with the goal being to be at peace with yourself and your world, ameliorating the triggers that cause relapse.

Don't lie, don't be secretive, don't be resentful, etc., etc., are all good general tenets to live by, IMO.

I have several friends and a family member who are still alive and kicking today due to 12 stepping, I believe.

Two decades ago I too decided to quit drinking and partying, and that family member took me to one of their AA meetings. After several meetings, it wasn't for me. But the Big Book was invaluable, and after reading it I saw the path I was on, and the dire consequences that awaited me. I attribute that book in making my decision to never mess with booze again. I incorporated some of those principles into my life, along with a reasonable dose of spirituality and coming back to my Catholic heritage, and still incorporate all that until today, the best that I can.

There aren't many people I hold in higher esteem and respect than sober recovering alkies & addicts; and they're aren't many people tougher, that's for sure! They're the ultimate example of internal fortitude and brutally honest reflection. It takes an extremely brave and self-honest person to publicly admit they're an addict; many cannot, and they suffer the brutal consequences.

Even though working a program wasn't for me, once a year I go to a 12 step meeting near my house on my anniversary date, and celebrate with them. No one else can understand, and I see no need to drag family or friends into what was my personal improvement plan. They always are happy to see me, I have a good time and am happy to see them. I'm reminded of the consequences of going back to the old life, and many of the good things I have in my current life, and I value and cherish their fellowship.
 
Chomsky said:
Yep, you hit the nail on the head: "To live in peace".

AA isn't the only way in my opinion, and I can't say I subscribe to every single item they sell, but it is a very good general blueprint I believe, with the goal being to be at peace with yourself and your world, ameliorating the triggers that cause relapse.

Don't lie, don't be secretive, don't be resentful, etc., etc., are all good general tenets to live by, IMO.

I have several friends and a family member who are still alive and kicking today due to 12 stepping, I believe.

Two decades ago I too decided to quit drinking and partying, and that family member took me to one of their AA meetings. After several meetings, it wasn't for me. But the Big Book was invaluable, and after reading it I saw the path I was on, and the dire consequences that awaited me. I attribute that book in making my decision to never mess with booze again. I incorporated some of those principles into my life, along with a reasonable dose of spirituality and coming back to my Catholic heritage, and still incorporate all that until today, the best that I can.

There aren't many people I hold in higher esteem and respect than sober recovering alkies & addicts; and they're aren't many people tougher, that's for sure! They're the ultimate example of internal fortitude and brutally honest reflection. It takes an extremely brave and self-honest person to publicly admit they're an addict; many cannot, and they suffer the brutal consequences.

Even though working a program wasn't for me, once a year I go to a 12 step meeting near my house on my anniversary date, and celebrate with them. No one else can understand, and I see no need to drag family or friends into what was my personal improvement plan. They always are happy to see me, I have a good time and am happy to see them. I'm reminded of the consequences of going back to the old life, and many of the good things I have in my current life, and I value and cherish their fellowship.
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Whatever ever works, there are no rules in AA. At that time of my life it became my family. I went into service behind the scenes early on and continued to do so for 12 years. I stayed sober and AA survived me.

We talk a lot about the steps, few talk about the 12 traditions, which applied in every day life become the best tool. Tradition one is "our common welfare should come first". Applied in daily life means you treat people as you would want them to treat you...and on.

The foundation set of tools has allowed me to get through the death of my father, my best friend, my wife, and now my step mother this past week end. It has allowed me to face some of the most scary **** the medical system can throw at you as we went looking for things growing in my head etc. and all manner of catastrophes, including losing my business and going bankrupt in 2002. Now I am a recovering PTSD, as all those catastrophes have taken their toll on my emotional state. At no time in all of those 25 years did I even think about taking a drink or using.

I do not attend meetings much anymore. The stuff they're talking about became boring to me 15 years ago, I deal with deeper issues that have nothing to do with AA. Further, AA is open to any and all people who 'have a desire to stop drinking", and I don't. Like I say through all that and didn't even think about. My "work" now has taken me deeper to work with those who "failed" in AA, usually with accompanying mental issues, a lot of schizophrenia etc. It has also led me to become more active in policing, who are almost always the front line in encountering mental illness and we have turned the corner, we no longer see the actions of the mentally ill as a crime, but as a medical condition.

Next wee I will be attending a dinner as a new central resource program is unveiled linking police and fire with various programs from suicide prevention {I love that work] to desire to use, to distress or whatever so we don't have to shoot and kill them anymore when they grab a knife and go ape. I have some reservations, but they did hear us when we talked about the relationship of drugs to mental illness as 90% of drug abuse is people self medicating other stuff.

Long, I know. How can you tell this is near and dear to my heart?
 
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