- Joined
- Nov 6, 2007
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- 65,051
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- Rolesville, NC
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- Moderate
I can't imagine anything worse than pulling the whole load while the other partner self-indulges or exercises destructive behavior. If there are no kids involved, the decision to leave is relatively easy. However, when children are involved, it is so much harder to make that choice.
Making it all worse, at some point staying with such a partner is simply enabling that behavior. It also convey the wrong message to the child. The kid grows up to believe codependent relationships are normal. So, stay for the sake of the kids or leave for their (and your own) sake...neither choice is a good one.
You basically posted exactly what I was thinking when it comes to modeling that behavior for the children in the relationship. I can't imagine children growing up well with a message that one parent can self indulge in something, whether it is being lazy or doing something selfdestructive while the other parent is basically doing all the work or a good portion of it. What sort of message does that give to children raised in that situation?
It seems that the best option for the children would likely be to go with the parent who is actually putting in the effort, but even that might not be such an easy decision or even something that is allowed to happen given our court system (which is why I really wish that stuff could be taken into account more often in divorces and particularly child custody).
Reality is just not black and white as some are trying to ascribe it to be. There are so many different situations, and then many different aspects to all those situations.