When it comes to the human psyche, reasoning is not typically what one uses in order to find happiness. It’s more along the lines of a religious or creative path.
Whatever makes you happy is fine with me.
Have I implied otherwise, or have I posted my own experiences? We all speak from our own perspectives and based on our own experiences. I expect nothing more, nor do I believe that what works for me will work for you. As for my mind being opened, it has been opened, turned inside out, examined with a fine tooth comb, rearranged, and rebooted.
And now I can't answer that without sounding defensive. :lol:
I'm a strong swimmer.A mile wide and just as deep. I suggest people walk around it.
Some people are prone to loneliness all their lives. Most of my life, I have been lonely. I lost my parents when I was just 5 years old, and was raised in a Catholic orphanage and in foster homes. I had friends my own age, but I had no adult who I knew loved me during almost my entire childhood.
For most of my life, I have envied those I thought were well-loved like some women envy really beautiful women. I still miss my parents so badly that to this day, I'd give almost anything just to see them again, no matter how briefly.
So I feel somewhat qualified to speak about loneliness.
I think this painful emotion/craving is, in part, the result of a cluster of personality traits that are somewhat fixed at birth. Some people need more interaction, more affection, more authentic intimacy.....and suffer badly when they don't get it.
I don't think you need to be a blighted human to experience loneliness often and quite painfully....and the fact that you may do so is not the best measure of how well-loved you are. Almost everyone alive has felt lonely at some times in the past, and will feel it again at points in the future.
Anyone who suffers badly from loneliness is not necessarily enduring a less successful social life than the rest of us.
If you are, as Bobby Darin said, "always the lonely", you are simply one more human blessed with a well of need for connectivity to other humans deeper than most. Such people are connoisseurs of authentic human intimacy.
Loneliness is not failure. It is not solitude, which is actually a very pleasant state and one even lonely people need from time to time to stay sane. It is not the finger of God, touching you to say you lost in some cosmic love lottery.....you may be very deeply loved by many people and still experience heart-breaking loneliness.
Loneliness is not sexual appetite. Almost all healthy adults want and need sex, and some people have trouble accepting that what they desire is physical. I'm not advocating promiscuity, but there is unfortunate tendency in some adults, especially women, to read every twinge as a signal that they suffer from a lack of pair bond intimacy. Sometimes, no matter how "nice" a person is, that twinge is just good old fashioned healthy horniness.
There's no doubt, loneliness can be excrutiating. When it overwhelms to the point that you feel disconnected from all of humanity, I think it can even be life threatening and people in this much distress should prolly seek help. But normal, day to day loneliness, whilst not quite that bad, can still be a hellish way to live, so here are some insights I have, which someone might find useful.
* Are you lonely because you are in a relationship that does not meet your emotional needs? If so, and your partner cannot and never will offer the level of intimacy you want, you have only two choices: accept that which they do offer or get out so as to be free to find a new lover.
I'm not a big fan of adultery and I have never seen it bring any authentic intimacy to anyone's life, but hey, I'm not the last word here.
* Some of us want the intimacy of a small group or family as much or more than that of a pair bond, and after college, these gaggles of people in cohesive groups are rare. If this describes you, you'll have to create your own. Find something you are passionate about and go looking for others who share that passion, then try to build up a routine of seeing one another once a month, etc. This delicate social dance is not a whole lot easier than dating, but just like dating, it will not happen for most of us by accident.
Every city in the US is listed under its state on city-data.net, and for every zip code, you can arrange to meet like-minded people on a website called meetup.com.
* You can be lonely for a place. Weather, customs, sounds, smells....if you are unhappy where you are living and have been for some time, it may be you need a "gestalt" your current environment does not offer.
* You can make an intimate connection with another person that is nonetheless transitory. Adopt an elderly person and visit with them, tap into their humanity and feel that while you are together. Visit a recovering injured soldier. If you feel you can set good boundaries, consider mentoring a child....almost any city has a Big Brother/Big Sister program, and a juvenile court that likely can use some volunteers.
Loneliness is part and parcel of being alive, healthy and human. No one but a sociopath can escape it altogether. None of us who are not sociopaths can ever achieve a life so rich and full that we will never feel the pangs of loneliness again.
If you can learn to view your loneliness as source of power, motivation and appetite, and to appreciate and applaud the high value you place on human intimacy, you can find a way to use this angst to enhance your life.
Lonely people have only one thing in common: they place a very high value on authentic relationships with other humans. Your loneliness marks you as a connoisseur of humans and human relationships.....and our society badly needs people with such values.
If you can view your loneliness as an achievement, you can allow it to help you guide you to acquire a life more to your liking. You among us who are frequently lonely are our connoisseurs of our humanity. You are special. You are the brightest lights among us.
Because you value humanity so highly, you who are often lonely are (or could be) among those of leading the way to a more just and compassionate society for us all.
IMO, you who are often lonely could be our best hope of a more decent society in future.
We need you, and we prize you -- at least, I know I do.
Quite highly.
Pinkie
Absolutely great words of wisdom Pinkie.
Your post is a goldmine for me. Many-many thanks for posing it.
You are a master analyst of human life.
You have no idea how much I appreciate this, your post is one of the essential informations that I have to collect to keep together my progress too.
Thanks again.
The title lead me to believe that this thread was about cannibalism...
