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Tis the Season for Thwarting Package Thieves.... Fun on the Cheap

danarhea

danarhea

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Now that the holidays are here, so are the package thieves, who will swipe from your doorstep anything that is set there by the delivery man.

Here is how to deal with them. Fill a package with poop. It can be dog poop, the contents of a kitty litter box, your own poop.... Be creative. Be sure to include a note telling the thief what a ****head he is, and how he got what he deserves for Christmas. Put it in an official looking box..... It could be the box that your xbox was shipped in. Tape it back up, set it on your front porch, set up a camera, and have a load of laughs, knowing about the load of...... YOU know..... that the thief is going to find when he opens up the box he stole.

Better than a lump of coal, don't you think? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
 
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danarhea said:
Now that the holidays are here, so are the package thieves, who will swipe from your doorstep anything that is set there by the delivery man.

Here is how to deal with them. Fill a package with poop. It can be dog poop, the contents of a kitty litter box, your own poop.... Be creative. Be sure to include a note telling the thief what a ****head he is, and how he got what he deserves for Christmas. Put it in an official looking box..... It could be the box that your xbox was shipped in. Tape it back up, set it on your front porch, set up a camera, and have a load of laughs, knowing about the load of...... YOU know..... that the thief is going to find when he opens up the box he stole.

Better than a lump of coal, don't you think? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Click to expand...

That sounds like a great idea. I wonder if it would be possible to rig the box so that it shot poop all over the perp and, let's hope, his house, as soon as he opened the box?

Perhaps we could also add something even more delightful, say for example, something that makes a big cloud of hydrogen sulfide for example?
 
danarhea said:
Now that the holidays are here, so are the package thieves, who will swipe from your doorstep anything that is set there by the delivery man.

Here is how to deal with them. Fill a package with poop. It can be dog poop, the contents of a kitty litter box, your own poop.... Be creative. Be sure to include a note telling the thief what a ****head he is, and how he got what he deserves for Christmas. Put it in an official looking box..... It could be the box that your xbox was shipped in. Tape it back up, set it on your front porch, set up a camera, and have a load of laughs, knowing about the load of...... YOU know..... that the thief is going to find when he opens up the box he stole.

Better than a lump of coal, don't you think? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Click to expand...

I call those assholes "Porch Pirates."

I caught one red handed one day, and listening to him make excuses and almost peeing himself while waiting on the PoPo to get here and then begging me to let him go and not to shoot him was the best time I had had in a long time.
 
Beaudreaux said:
I call those assholes "Porch Pirates."

I caught one red handed one day, and listening to him make excuses and almost peeing himself while waiting on the PoPo to get here and then begging me to let him go and not to shoot him was the best time I had had in a long time.
Click to expand...

2 years ago, I tuned one up with a baseball bat. No charges were filed against me. He went to jail after he got out of the emergency room. :)
 
danarhea said:
2 years ago, I tuned one up with a baseball bat. No charges were filed against me. He went to jail after he got out of the emergency room. :)
Click to expand...

Only thing close to that for me, was catching a guy downtown riding one of my son's bicycles that the guy had stolen earlier that same day, and since the police told me they would have to catch him with the bike in his hands, I super glued his fingers on both hands around the center bar so the cops could "catch him." Cost me a bunch of money to pay his hospital bill, but it was worth every penny, and no charges were filed (I was lucky since it was downtown in front of God and everybody).
 
danarhea said:
Now that the holidays are here, so are the package thieves, who will swipe from your doorstep anything that is set there by the delivery man.

Here is how to deal with them. Fill a package with poop. It can be dog poop, the contents of a kitty litter box, your own poop.... Be creative. Be sure to include a note telling the thief what a ****head he is, and how he got what he deserves for Christmas. Put it in an official looking box..... It could be the box that your xbox was shipped in. Tape it back up, set it on your front porch, set up a camera, and have a load of laughs, knowing about the load of...... YOU know..... that the thief is going to find when he opens up the box he stole.

Better than a lump of coal, don't you think? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Click to expand...


THat IS a way to get rid of the dead cat!
 
Beaudreaux said:
I call those assholes "Porch Pirates."

I caught one red handed one day, and listening to him make excuses and almost peeing himself while waiting on the PoPo to get here and then begging me to let him go and not to shoot him was the best time I had had in a long time.
Click to expand...
If he had turned and walked away, would you have shot him?
 
I get a ton of stuff delivered, but I've never had any of it stolen. Luckily we live in a neighborhood that gets very little traffic other than people who live back here, so it's not a big concern.
 
radcen said:
If he had turned and walked away, would you have shot him?
Click to expand...

No. He didn't know that, however. I never actually pointed the gun at him either. I didn't need to. I just had it in my hand down by my side. If he would have turned and run, I would not have been in danger, so I wouldn't have shot him. I had another option available though.

If he would have run, I would have let the dog go after him. It's almost a quarter mile to the road down my driveway, and I doubt he could outrun my dog. She was sitting beside me growling at him in a low rumble. If I would have said "Get him" she would have taken him down. So, again, no I would not have shot him if he had turned and run. Again, the reason why is, I would not have been in danger at that point.

If he had done something stupid, like lunge at me, or grab for me, or something similar he would have been both been shot by me and bit by my dog. I have no doubt he knew that. I kept him at about ten feet away so I would have time to bring the weapon to a hip fire position.

We had a pretty interesting conversation while we waited on the police to get here. I learned a lot about the guy, his family, and everything he thought had gone wrong in his life. I didn't believe a word he said, I just thought it was interesting that he would try to get me to empathize with him and let him leave before the police arrived.

When the police got here, as the first officer got out of his car and pulled his weapon, I asked if I could put my gun down in the house and he said to put it down right where I was standing, which I did. I knew him, and he knew me and my family, he told me after it was over that he didn't want me to leave the area until he got the guy in handcuffs and patted down. When he told me to put it down beside me, I thought he may not have been happy that I had it, but that wasn't it. I think he also was concerned about me not being a cop and having a weapon in that situation, as well. He didn't say that, but if I were him, I would have been concerned about that.

It all ended well.
 
Beaudreaux said:
No. He didn't know that, however. I never actually pointed the gun at him either. I didn't need to. I just had it in my hand down by my side. If he would have turned and run, I would not have been in danger, so I wouldn't have shot him. I had another option available though.

If he would have run, I would have let the dog go after him. It's almost a quarter mile to the road down my driveway, and I doubt he could outrun my dog. She was sitting beside me growling at him in a low rumble. If I would have said "Get him" she would have taken him down. So, again, no I would not have shot him if he had turned and run. Again, the reason why is, I would not have been in danger at that point.

If he had done something stupid, like lunge at me, or grab for me, or something similar he would have been both been shot by me and bit by my dog. I have no doubt he knew that. I kept him at about ten feet away so I would have time to bring the weapon to a hip fire position.

We had a pretty interesting conversation while we waited on the police to get here. I learned a lot about the guy, his family, and everything he thought had gone wrong in his life. I didn't believe a word he said, I just thought it was interesting that he would try to get me to empathize with him and let him leave before the police arrived.

When the police got here, as the first officer got out of his car and pulled his weapon, I asked if I could put my gun down in the house and he said to put it down right where I was standing, which I did. I knew him, and he knew me and my family, he told me after it was over that he didn't want me to leave the area until he got the guy in handcuffs and patted down. When he told me to put it down beside me, I thought he may not have been happy that I had it, but that wasn't it. I think he also was concerned about me not being a cop and having a weapon in that situation, as well. He didn't say that, but if I were him, I would have been concerned about that.

It all ended well.
Click to expand...
Nice.

This thread got me thing, and not that I would ever put myself in this situation, but if I were I'd be tempted to just turn and walk away. I think most people wouldn't actually shoot. Most people know it would cause serious legal trouble for themselves as the person wasn't causing any threat to them.

Not intending to go off-topic, but if he had walked/ran away, I think you'd still have been potentially in legal trouble had you sicked your dog on him. For pretty much the same reason, he wasn't posing a threat, and a dog is still a weapon not unlike a gun. Granted, I'm speculating to some degree, but I could see it happening.
 
radcen said:
Nice.

This thread got me thing, and not that I would ever put myself in this situation, but if I were I'd be tempted to just turn and walk away. I think most people wouldn't actually shoot. Most people know it would cause serious legal trouble for themselves as the person wasn't causing any threat to them.

Not intending to go off-topic, but if he had walked/ran away, I think you'd still have been potentially in legal trouble had you sicked your dog on him. For pretty much the same reason, he wasn't posing a threat, and a dog is still a weapon not unlike a gun. Granted, I'm speculating to some degree, but I could see it happening.
Click to expand...

My dog (Molly) bit a FedEx lady once. We weren't at home, and for some reason, the FedEx lady decided to put the package in the garage, that I had left half open so Molly could go in to get some water and get out of the sun if she wanted to while we were gone. The lady admitted that she stepped on Molly's tail sticking out from under the garage door, and that's when Molly bit her.

All we had to do was show that she had her shots and we had to get here checked out by a vet to make sure she didn't have something the shots may not have taken care of. The FedEx lady tried to sue me. I got my lawyer buddy to handle it and it went away - a few thousand dollars later in attorney fees. The FedEx lady got nothing.

The reason I'm telling you this story, is that during all that I found out all I would need to know for future events regarding a dog biting a person on my property. If the person that was bitten was bit while in the process of a felony, I would not have to do anything other than what I had to do with the FedEx lady - show Molly's shot record and get her examined by a vet. The bad person would have no recourse against me or my dog. I also have 'beware of dog' signs, 'no trespassing' signs, and alarm system signs at the end of the driveway, and on all four sides of the actual property (plus a bunch of 'no swimming' and 'no fishing' signs at the pond).

I also found out, that since Molly had already bitten the FedEx lady, it would very hard for a crook to prove that I told Molly to "get him" since I have proof that she will bit, and I would never admit that in court. I wouldn't lie about it, I just wouldn't answer if asked. He'd have to prove it - but it would be my luck that he would have his cell phone camera taking a video of me doing so.

Anyway, any porch bandit that comes around here trying to steal stuff off my porch, will have to time it just right, be able to run like hell, and have a really thick pants' seat or chainmail underwear on.
 
Beaudreaux said:
My dog (Molly) bit a FedEx lady once. We weren't at home, and for some reason, the FedEx lady decided to put the package in the garage, that I had left half open so Molly could go in to get some water and get out of the sun if she wanted to while we were gone. The lady admitted that she stepped on Molly's tail sticking out from under the garage door, and that's when Molly bit her.

All we had to do was show that she had her shots and we had to get here checked out by a vet to make sure she didn't have something the shots may not have taken care of. The FedEx lady tried to sue me. I got my lawyer buddy to handle it and it went away - a few thousand dollars later in attorney fees. The FedEx lady got nothing.

The reason I'm telling you this story, is that during all that I found out all I would need to know for future events regarding a dog biting a person on my property. If the person that was bitten was bit while in the process of a felony, I would not have to do anything other than what I had to do with the FedEx lady - show Molly's shot record and get her examined by a vet. The bad person would have no recourse against me or my dog. I also have 'beware of dog' signs, 'no trespassing' signs, and alarm system signs at the end of the driveway, and on all four sides of the actual property (plus a bunch of 'no swimming' and 'no fishing' signs at the pond).

I also found out, that since Molly had already bitten the FedEx lady, it would very hard for a crook to prove that I told Molly to "get him" since I have proof that she will bit, and I would never admit that in court. I wouldn't lie about it, I just wouldn't answer if asked. He'd have to prove it - but it would be my luck that he would have his cell phone camera taking a video of me doing so.

Anyway, any porch bandit that comes around here trying to steal stuff off my porch, will have to time it just right, be able to run like hell, and have a really thick pants' seat or chainmail underwear on.
Click to expand...
You said you would tell the dog to go after him. That specifically is to what I was referring. Apples & oranges to the FedEx scenario.

But, I agree it would be hard to prove.
 
danarhea said:
Now that the holidays are here, so are the package thieves, who will swipe from your doorstep anything that is set there by the delivery man.

Here is how to deal with them. Fill a package with poop. It can be dog poop, the contents of a kitty litter box, your own poop.... Be creative. Be sure to include a note telling the thief what a ****head he is, and how he got what he deserves for Christmas. Put it in an official looking box..... It could be the box that your xbox was shipped in. Tape it back up, set it on your front porch, set up a camera, and have a load of laughs, knowing about the load of...... YOU know..... that the thief is going to find when he opens up the box he stole.

Better than a lump of coal, don't you think? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Click to expand...

Good way to get 'em, that's for sure! Only problem is....you can expect them to come back, and pay back.
 
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