Fathers' Epic Response to Daughters Facebook Post

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:28 AM

Originally Posted by Kal'Stang

Shooting the laptop was not an indicator of a short fuse. I'm pretty sure that shooting the laptop was meant to make a point. That point being that he is serious in what he is saying.

And it was communicated very poorly.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by Kal'Stang

And yet according to dad's updates this did not happen.

DAD'S updates. We don't know future repercussions of this incident.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:32 AM

Originally Posted by Kal'Stang

Who's to say that he's not telling the truth?

And who's to say that he IS?

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:37 AM

Originally Posted by Goshin

I'm kind of torn about this, as the parent of a teenage boy.

On the one hand, I recognize that in order to have your teenager's trust, where they will actually talk to you about things and maybe even listen, you first have to have a relationship that involves mutual respect. I have carefully cultivated such a relationship with my son, and count myself blessed that he does talk to me about almost everything... and while he always speaks to me respectfully he is also very frank about his concerns most of the time.

Sometimes something is bothering him but he doesn't talk. Often I'll ask him if something is wrong... if he shrugs it off I generally don't press, but just say "Well okay, if you change your mind and want to talk about it, let me know and you'll have my full attention." Not uncommonly, an hour or two later he'll suddenly start talking about what's bugging him.

Yes, you have to give them some room to breathe, and you have to extend a certain amount of trust as they grow beyond your direct control.

OTOH yeah I DO snoop. I just make damn sure I don't get caught at it. If I find out something I think needs to be addressed, I will come up with an indirect and devious way of bringing the issue out into the open without revealing that I found it out via snooping. Since I am old and wise in the ways of Evul this is not difficult.

I'm not going to be one of those parents who finds out their kid is on drugs when the cops call one night, and does the round-eyed incredulous "What? MY child??" routine. So I snoop... but I'm very careful and subtle about it.

Somebody is probably going to say that because I snoop, I don't REALLY respect my child like he thinks I do. Well, if that makes me a hypocrite, so be it. I LOVE my child, and he is NOT a mature adult yet, and it is MY job to see to it that he survives to become one. I've known kids who got away with doing some really bad things because their parents thought they were "Good children" and they played on that trust to create opportunities to sneak around and do things they shouldn't.... one gal in particular I'm thinking about got pregnant at 15 because she had Mommy convinced she was utterly trustworthy and sensible and so forth, and so Mommy failed to check up on her like she did her other daughters.

So far I count myself greatly blessed.... I've found no reason not to believe that my son really is sensible and cautious and moral, nor does he seem to hide anything significant from me or abuse the freedom I grant him. But I'm not enough of an idealist to just take that on trust, not when there is so much at stake.

Goshin, there is a difference between snooping and not going around unaware. ANY parent that goes around unaware is asking for trouble. Your kid always comes home on time... and then starts coming home late, always with a valid excuse. An unaware parent might by that. A conscientious parent might "probe" their child a bit, or ask their friends, or look for signs that something is going on. There are levels of examination. What you do doesn't sound like snooping.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by MrVicchio

You and I will have to disagree. The problem with Children keeping things secret from Mom and Dad, is that it's often not things that they should be doing.

Then I suppose it makes sense for the parents to create an atmosphere where things like this can be discussed.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:42 AM

Originally Posted by MaggieD

While that may be true, Facebook is not private. The parents who change your diapers...hold your head over the puke bowl in the middle of the night...buy your food...your clothes...pay for your education...your lunches...your entertainment...your field trips...your IPhone...your computer...your bike...your toys...your doctor visits...your braces...your make-up...your pocket money...

...own the very air you breath. Benevolent Dictators. (The good ones, that is.)

Sorry. These parents do NOT own the very air you breathe. Try to create this and you often will help to create the exact kind of kid that you don't want.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:46 AM

Originally Posted by Harshaw

She picked the wrong place to do it. The Internet is not private, period.

But it hardly matters; it's not an invasion of her privacy in any event. She may not have wanted them to know about it, but kids have lots of things they don't want their parents to know about, but it's still their parents' business. This is one of those things.

No, it was none of her parents business at all.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by Kal'Stang

It doesn't matter if it was or was not for thier eyes. They saw it. They did not pry to find it or snoop to find it or intentionally tried to find it.

Which is still irrelevant.

A child drinking alcohol doesn't intend for thier parents to see what they are doing either. But if the parents do see it then they saw it. The point being that it doesn't matter if it wasn't intended for thier eyes. They saw it.

Not analogous. Drinking alcohol is both illegal and a potential safety issue. What the girl did was neither.

It would be no different than some employee posting on FB claiming that thier boss is verbally abusive and the boss finding it and firing that employee. Even though that employee's FB claim wasn't meant for his/her boss's eyes. As has been said before, whatever is posted on the internet is no longer private.

I'm not so sure that would stand up in court, especially if it was off hours. Regardless, this too is a very different set of circumstances.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by Kal'Stang

If she's venting then obviously there is a problem. If there is a problem then it is thier buisness.

IF she chooses to make it their business.

**CaptainCourtesy** · 02-12-12, 12:52 AM

Originally Posted by Harshaw

What she was venting about WAS.

IF she chose to make it their business. If not, she could just vent and accept that was how it was.

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