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As Labour indulge in the conference season's usual backslapping over the glorious achievements of the regime (never mind a week, a day trip would have been hall booking overkill), let's show those Cabinet doubting-Thomases that Labour still has the verve and intellectualism needed to romp to victory again next year!
If ever NuLab common-sense and decency was in doubt, let's look back to some forward-thinking highlights of the 2007 c*nference, for inspiration to fire again the best of Redness:
COMPUTERS THING: http://www.leftiness.org
GO-GO PARTY CONFERENCE 2007 MATE!
Yes, the travelling fair of the proprietors of wisdom and justice has set up stall again to parade its wares on the nation’s tellies! Yes, the educational experience of the Labour Party Conference once again serves to enrich your brains in an orgy of information and enlightenment. (And that’s just us being modest here! I mean, if we in Labour were to boast the full extent of our prowess then you’d think we were lying, we’re just that good!).
Of course there’s been policy success after policy success under Labour. I admit that, I’ve even come to terms with it. For example, our anti-racism campaigns have even punished innocent people they’re that good!
'Blunkett Bobby' mascot under fire for being 'too male and too white' | Mail Online
As you may know, Labour Party Conference gives the nation a front-row view of how Labour works for the best interests of the People (as long as they correlate with ours). After all, we’re that good that both John Prescott and John Reid deserve their £250 fees for speaking to the BBC about Conference itself. Pure Leftist moral truths don’t come cheap, as the taxpayers can well appreciate.
They ought to take school trips up to the Labour Conference you know. After all, we have instilled a fantastic amount of Leftist ideology into our nation’s classrooms, so why not let the children drink from the fountain of education’s source?!
Let’s take a look at just a few wonderful Labour Party ideological showpieces which have been proudly touted to a nation lucky to have us:
1) TRUST LABOUR TO PUNISH THE DIRTY DOCTORS!
So, Dr. Locum doesn’t want to wash his hands, does he? Well, he’ll be a bit more careful if we lose him his bug-ridden hospital for his bigotry! As Alan Johnson says, wards will be closed and hospitals fined if they don’t clean up. About bloody time too! Labour can’t be held responsible if all those cleaning contractors (and the system they run under) can’t operate properly.
People blame Labour for everything. As I said to the doctors at the hospital in my constituency, you can hardly blame us for the shambles because I try my best to keep away from the bug hutch they’ve got down there. I told them straight, I said that if they’re too incompetent to make the hospital a bastion of hygiene and efficiency thanks to the new changes then they deserved to suffer in poetic justice. My little disciplinary got through to them because if looks could kill mate! I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me; no, the ground should have swallowed them actually, looking at me like that, HOW DARE THEY! The NHS is Labour’s baby and so thus we know better than mere doctors how to run it! As indeed we’ve proved.
2) IT TAKES OPEN-MINDED RED-FACED VISIONARIES TO SEE THE POTENTIAL IN THE UNTAPPED LABOUR POOL OF THE ‘CRIMINAL’ COMMUNITY!
Tessa Jowell’s done it again! No wonder she’s my night time fantasy whenever my post-menstrual girlfriend threatens to report me for wanting to ‘rape’ her after the candlelit meal, and scented foam bath, I so lovingly prepare on her orders each night. Anyway, Tessa said at a conference fringe meeting that young yobs have ‘formidable entrepreneurial and leadership skills’.
Speaking of the gangs who terrorise and even murder on the streets of her constituency, she said ‘I have spent a lot of time talking to these young people in gangs and what is quite heartbreaking is their ambitions are exactly the same as the kind of thing our children want for themselves. They want careers, not jobs. They want to feel safe, they want to have money so they can have a decent life. But at some point in their life they have given up and felt nobody was on their side, nobody was looking out for them’.
BUT WE IN LABOUR LOOK OUT FOR THEM! RICH OR POOR, HONEST PERSON OR THIEF, EVERYONE MUST HAVE THE SAME THANKS TO LEFTIES! We’re all the same underneath. After all, if some Mr. Big has the brains to organise a campaign of vandalism or thuggery, or to rob a shop, then he surely has the capability to run a legitimate business concern under New Labour. But if the evil alliance of the Tories, BNP, Public and Media are going to malign and vilify the felons (the hypocrisy), then of course the so-called ne’er-do-wells are going to react against their tormentors. They’re going to say “Hmmm, I don’t think I will set up that small pottery firm I’ve always wanted since I ‘twokked’ my first motor, for the investment capital, after all. I think I’ll brutalise and traumatise the Public for not having faith in my potential!” And I can’t say I feel minded to disagree with his harsh evaluation, forced upon him by a harsh society. VOTE LABOUR – Because both we and criminals want what’s best for the nation!
3) RECLAIM HISTORY FROM THE RACISTS BY TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THE MUSLIMS SAVED ‘US’ FROM THE SPANISH ARMADA, RATHER THAN SIR FRANCIS DRAKE!
At another fringe meeting (the fringes of justice it has to be said), Commission For Racial Equality boss Trevor Phillips said that as the Ottoman Empire was threatening the Spanish in the Mediterranean, they weakened the Armada by keeping a few ships back before sending it to fight the English. He said that re-writing the history books to reflect the disputed claim that Elizabeth I asked the Turks to threaten the Spanish must be done to make them more ‘inclusive’ of other cultures.
I couldn’t agree more! Contrary to the so-called ‘evidence’ (which can be interpreted in any number of unhelpful ways), we must impress on the nation’s schoolchildren that these facts speak for themselves: Thanks to the brave, strong Ottoman Turks, the English Navy only had a skeleton force to ‘fight’. And that, my friends, made the English bullies for not picking on someone their own size! As usual. Let the White Pride Brigade chew on that one mate! So we must therefore downplay or twist English history if it means Honky British man can love potentially irritable Asian Muslim brother! Peace baby!
(I mean, alright, the Armada still outnumbered the English Navy who won the battle due to ‘superior’ tactics and craft. Also it’s said that no British record of the event mentions an Islamic involvement. And OK, I suppose that the Ottoman Empire didn’t play its supposed part by not attacking the Spanish fleet in any manner at all in 1588. But it still has to be said that the weather also helped the English. So Tch, letting the Spanish fleet be buffeted by the waves and then claiming the damage was our work – typical bloody British con trick! No wonder British history isn’t even worth our contempt!).
You see, Public – you can learn the facts of life thanks to Labour! However, the fun was marred somewhat by yobs writing messages in the sand outside the conference demanding a referendum on the EU Constitution. We don’t care for that sort of graffiti in Labour, particularly when Gordon Brown has done all our thinking for us by saying there’s no need for a referendum. To compound that felony, protesting pensioners moaning about their vapourised pensions due to collapsed retirement schemes were blocking the pavement outside. THE PRIME MINISTER HAD TO POSTPONE HIS WALKABOUT THANKS TO THESE INTIMIDATING OAP RANTERS! The old people, eh? Pensions are less important than you think you know, save for those of us political persons of foresight who retire early. Indeed, they’ve only got a few years left to go, hence their belligerent attitude at the thought of imminent death. When will people learn?
At least we in Labour know how to behave in the real world. Indeed, Gordon Brown quite wisely, quite sagely, moved Labour to the Right in his speech in order to lure disaffected Tory voters driven away from David Cameron’s pushing of the Tory Party to the Left. I say sagely because do you honestly believe that we in Labour truly advocate far-Right policies such as cracking down on crime and unchecked unlimited open-door immigration? GET REAL! Still, it’ll only be too late when the Right Wing loons realise they’ve been tricked into voting for the only party doing right by the entire International Community as opposed to just a few people in England. Which justifies that nicely in every single way.
Yes, the Conference was a runaway triumph, what with a healthy balance of things being said to appease the voters as well as things said which are just, true and fair. And it ended on a triumphant sing-song as well, with a rousing rendition of the Red Flag. Alright, we had Jerusalem to sing as well, but at least we looked damned uncomfortable singing it, what with a lack of interest and knowledge of the words. We do have appearances to think of you know.
We stand for the best in Neo-Com' values – VOTE LABOUR! Indeed, Lenin himself advocated the Labour Party (see the link provided in the Wisdom Dispensary), not to mention the fact that so many of us have been Communist Party members, or at least of anarchy groups sharing the same noble ideals. So you need not worry about Labour failing to be the control freaks and dogmatic instigators of radical change in every way, which we need as a nation.
NEVER MIND THE REVISIONISTS, COME ON IN, THE LEFT IS LOVELY!
(Slogan by Alice Walker, 8, who wins a big sloppy Labour kiss in gratitude for that belter!)
If ever NuLab common-sense and decency was in doubt, let's look back to some forward-thinking highlights of the 2007 c*nference, for inspiration to fire again the best of Redness:
COMPUTERS THING: http://www.leftiness.org
GO-GO PARTY CONFERENCE 2007 MATE!
Yes, the travelling fair of the proprietors of wisdom and justice has set up stall again to parade its wares on the nation’s tellies! Yes, the educational experience of the Labour Party Conference once again serves to enrich your brains in an orgy of information and enlightenment. (And that’s just us being modest here! I mean, if we in Labour were to boast the full extent of our prowess then you’d think we were lying, we’re just that good!).
Of course there’s been policy success after policy success under Labour. I admit that, I’ve even come to terms with it. For example, our anti-racism campaigns have even punished innocent people they’re that good!
'Blunkett Bobby' mascot under fire for being 'too male and too white' | Mail Online
As you may know, Labour Party Conference gives the nation a front-row view of how Labour works for the best interests of the People (as long as they correlate with ours). After all, we’re that good that both John Prescott and John Reid deserve their £250 fees for speaking to the BBC about Conference itself. Pure Leftist moral truths don’t come cheap, as the taxpayers can well appreciate.
They ought to take school trips up to the Labour Conference you know. After all, we have instilled a fantastic amount of Leftist ideology into our nation’s classrooms, so why not let the children drink from the fountain of education’s source?!
Let’s take a look at just a few wonderful Labour Party ideological showpieces which have been proudly touted to a nation lucky to have us:
1) TRUST LABOUR TO PUNISH THE DIRTY DOCTORS!
So, Dr. Locum doesn’t want to wash his hands, does he? Well, he’ll be a bit more careful if we lose him his bug-ridden hospital for his bigotry! As Alan Johnson says, wards will be closed and hospitals fined if they don’t clean up. About bloody time too! Labour can’t be held responsible if all those cleaning contractors (and the system they run under) can’t operate properly.
People blame Labour for everything. As I said to the doctors at the hospital in my constituency, you can hardly blame us for the shambles because I try my best to keep away from the bug hutch they’ve got down there. I told them straight, I said that if they’re too incompetent to make the hospital a bastion of hygiene and efficiency thanks to the new changes then they deserved to suffer in poetic justice. My little disciplinary got through to them because if looks could kill mate! I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me; no, the ground should have swallowed them actually, looking at me like that, HOW DARE THEY! The NHS is Labour’s baby and so thus we know better than mere doctors how to run it! As indeed we’ve proved.
2) IT TAKES OPEN-MINDED RED-FACED VISIONARIES TO SEE THE POTENTIAL IN THE UNTAPPED LABOUR POOL OF THE ‘CRIMINAL’ COMMUNITY!
Tessa Jowell’s done it again! No wonder she’s my night time fantasy whenever my post-menstrual girlfriend threatens to report me for wanting to ‘rape’ her after the candlelit meal, and scented foam bath, I so lovingly prepare on her orders each night. Anyway, Tessa said at a conference fringe meeting that young yobs have ‘formidable entrepreneurial and leadership skills’.
Speaking of the gangs who terrorise and even murder on the streets of her constituency, she said ‘I have spent a lot of time talking to these young people in gangs and what is quite heartbreaking is their ambitions are exactly the same as the kind of thing our children want for themselves. They want careers, not jobs. They want to feel safe, they want to have money so they can have a decent life. But at some point in their life they have given up and felt nobody was on their side, nobody was looking out for them’.
BUT WE IN LABOUR LOOK OUT FOR THEM! RICH OR POOR, HONEST PERSON OR THIEF, EVERYONE MUST HAVE THE SAME THANKS TO LEFTIES! We’re all the same underneath. After all, if some Mr. Big has the brains to organise a campaign of vandalism or thuggery, or to rob a shop, then he surely has the capability to run a legitimate business concern under New Labour. But if the evil alliance of the Tories, BNP, Public and Media are going to malign and vilify the felons (the hypocrisy), then of course the so-called ne’er-do-wells are going to react against their tormentors. They’re going to say “Hmmm, I don’t think I will set up that small pottery firm I’ve always wanted since I ‘twokked’ my first motor, for the investment capital, after all. I think I’ll brutalise and traumatise the Public for not having faith in my potential!” And I can’t say I feel minded to disagree with his harsh evaluation, forced upon him by a harsh society. VOTE LABOUR – Because both we and criminals want what’s best for the nation!
3) RECLAIM HISTORY FROM THE RACISTS BY TELLING THE CHILDREN THAT THE MUSLIMS SAVED ‘US’ FROM THE SPANISH ARMADA, RATHER THAN SIR FRANCIS DRAKE!
At another fringe meeting (the fringes of justice it has to be said), Commission For Racial Equality boss Trevor Phillips said that as the Ottoman Empire was threatening the Spanish in the Mediterranean, they weakened the Armada by keeping a few ships back before sending it to fight the English. He said that re-writing the history books to reflect the disputed claim that Elizabeth I asked the Turks to threaten the Spanish must be done to make them more ‘inclusive’ of other cultures.
I couldn’t agree more! Contrary to the so-called ‘evidence’ (which can be interpreted in any number of unhelpful ways), we must impress on the nation’s schoolchildren that these facts speak for themselves: Thanks to the brave, strong Ottoman Turks, the English Navy only had a skeleton force to ‘fight’. And that, my friends, made the English bullies for not picking on someone their own size! As usual. Let the White Pride Brigade chew on that one mate! So we must therefore downplay or twist English history if it means Honky British man can love potentially irritable Asian Muslim brother! Peace baby!
(I mean, alright, the Armada still outnumbered the English Navy who won the battle due to ‘superior’ tactics and craft. Also it’s said that no British record of the event mentions an Islamic involvement. And OK, I suppose that the Ottoman Empire didn’t play its supposed part by not attacking the Spanish fleet in any manner at all in 1588. But it still has to be said that the weather also helped the English. So Tch, letting the Spanish fleet be buffeted by the waves and then claiming the damage was our work – typical bloody British con trick! No wonder British history isn’t even worth our contempt!).
You see, Public – you can learn the facts of life thanks to Labour! However, the fun was marred somewhat by yobs writing messages in the sand outside the conference demanding a referendum on the EU Constitution. We don’t care for that sort of graffiti in Labour, particularly when Gordon Brown has done all our thinking for us by saying there’s no need for a referendum. To compound that felony, protesting pensioners moaning about their vapourised pensions due to collapsed retirement schemes were blocking the pavement outside. THE PRIME MINISTER HAD TO POSTPONE HIS WALKABOUT THANKS TO THESE INTIMIDATING OAP RANTERS! The old people, eh? Pensions are less important than you think you know, save for those of us political persons of foresight who retire early. Indeed, they’ve only got a few years left to go, hence their belligerent attitude at the thought of imminent death. When will people learn?
At least we in Labour know how to behave in the real world. Indeed, Gordon Brown quite wisely, quite sagely, moved Labour to the Right in his speech in order to lure disaffected Tory voters driven away from David Cameron’s pushing of the Tory Party to the Left. I say sagely because do you honestly believe that we in Labour truly advocate far-Right policies such as cracking down on crime and unchecked unlimited open-door immigration? GET REAL! Still, it’ll only be too late when the Right Wing loons realise they’ve been tricked into voting for the only party doing right by the entire International Community as opposed to just a few people in England. Which justifies that nicely in every single way.
Yes, the Conference was a runaway triumph, what with a healthy balance of things being said to appease the voters as well as things said which are just, true and fair. And it ended on a triumphant sing-song as well, with a rousing rendition of the Red Flag. Alright, we had Jerusalem to sing as well, but at least we looked damned uncomfortable singing it, what with a lack of interest and knowledge of the words. We do have appearances to think of you know.
We stand for the best in Neo-Com' values – VOTE LABOUR! Indeed, Lenin himself advocated the Labour Party (see the link provided in the Wisdom Dispensary), not to mention the fact that so many of us have been Communist Party members, or at least of anarchy groups sharing the same noble ideals. So you need not worry about Labour failing to be the control freaks and dogmatic instigators of radical change in every way, which we need as a nation.
NEVER MIND THE REVISIONISTS, COME ON IN, THE LEFT IS LOVELY!
(Slogan by Alice Walker, 8, who wins a big sloppy Labour kiss in gratitude for that belter!)
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