LABOUR PARTY COMPUTER emulator, for that near-as-dammit human touch!

SPECIAL I.T. SPECIAL REPORT SPECIAL, with our a*se-on-the-spot JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER MP:




LABOUR PEOPLE – I COMMAND (LINE) YOU TO INTERFACE YOURSELF WITH THE DIGITAL AGE MATE!


Oh my God mate, my esteemed and trusted colleague, the LABOUR PARTY COMPUTER, has come up trumps again! I asked him to dispense a small yet helpful program to aid the party in coming up with the kind of quality policies you know us for by now. (At first he was unhelpful, citing a clash of logical parameters when trying to match more of the same with quality and ‘sanity’, but after a swift kick to the terminals, he was fully repaired and dispensing the code.)



I like the Labour Party Computer you know. He’s as human as we are, not to mention the fact that he’s the CPU-child behind all the New Labour IT policies today! Now that’s impressive (barring the total failure)!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-ROw4k6LJU"]YouTube - NEW LABOUR POLICY BREWER for MS DOS and Windows (plus Commodore 64 SID chiptune)[/ame]

So all you have to do now is download the program, run it and make the NEW LABOUR COMPUTER TZAR proud that we’re all doing as she says by using computers to boost Labour popularity. After all, we’ve had no luck all the other ways, so computers are definitely the way to go!



VOTE LABOUR - Cos never mind what the frustrated doctors or data-losing civil servants may do for example, WE know we’re right on what to give people so therefore we are! HAVE WE NOT GIVEN YOU A FREE PROGRAM JUST THIS MINUTE?!?!









SOFTWARE BLURB:
New Labour have always staked a reckless amount of faith in IT and computers, though they know little about any of it. But still, why break the habit of a lifetime?

The software works on the premise that all New Labour people are interested in are more policies which annoy the voters. So why disappoint them?

The program itself can be found here: http://www.dustybin.org.uk/Prime_Ministerial_Help_Kit.zip

Suitable for EGA-compatible PCs and upwards. The software itself contains its own monophonic 'bleep' music to boot! Oooooo!

http://www.leftiness.org

Thanks Wessexman. I'm glad my jokes and little games please people.

Thanks to everyone for the, by now, 71 hits to this thread.

I think that's good enough encouragement to post the applet's sequel:
_________________________________________________________________



JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER MP: Don't LABOUR under your usual misapprehensions!


BE YOURS A PC PC! THINK FOR YOURSELF!

Oh yes mate, if there’s one thing you can say about people in Labour, it’s that we never fail to persevere! Which is why I’m continuing to push my new range of educational computer products!

First it was the New Labour Policy Processor, now it’s my special NuLab Ethical Trainer being wielded for your Enlightenment! You see, more and more of the unenlightened masses are trying to dabble in politics and social morality in an effort to undermine Labour! But I’m going on the counter-attack to put those idiots back in their place by showing them how things really work in Britain today! We know what’s best, that’s why we do the things we do! Obvious really.

So next time one of those Public idiots tries to tell me how to run the place, all I need do is run the software in my efforts to belittle them in the name of free thought!



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0CgRKX0gcc&feature=channel"]YouTube - THE JIMMY RIDDLE ORCHESTRA - I Was Gordon Brown's Batperson![/ame]


SOFTWARE BLURB:
Behold the latest interactive outpouring from JOHNATHAN LEFTWINGER, Labour MP for Asylum East! His convincing words of wisdom shall enlighten you all as to why Lefties do the things they do!

One of the hot Liberal topics pushed in your face today are school exams. Continuous Assessment and outsourcing all exam marking to coolie labour in India? LABOUR CAN'T FAIL!

You can run the software under as old an operating system as Windows 95 and it is downloadable from http://www.dustybin.org.uk/Red_Arsery...

The video is accompanied by session versions of the program's music and recording photographs.

The predecessor to this program can be found here: [nomedia]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-ROw4[/nomedia]...
__________________________

Open your mind, do as Johnathan says and VOTE LABOUR! Don't follow the herd into a future Tory oblivion!


Places To Go





'Overflow' material:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvN2ZpUBNUs&feature=channel"]YouTube - THE JIMMY RIDDLE ORCHESTRA - Concept Single 18 music sessions (2009)[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3y1PjGRjVU&feature=channel"]YouTube - THE JIMMY RIDDLE ORCHESTRA - MIDI Symphette for psuedo four-piece[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXcl3y_xMVo&feature=channel"]YouTube - The TUC - a right bunch of biscuits![/ame]


With a trade union group more obsessed with Zionists and fascists under the bed than properly standing up for British workers' rights, for example to secure working conditions, no wonder New Labour often wonder why the worms have turned!




Thanks for watching!


http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=TheDustpile#grid/uploads

THE LINK TO THE SOFWARE MENTIONED ABOVE IS FAULTY.

Here is the immaculate link: http://www.dustybin.org.uk/Red_Arsery.zip

----------

Century!!

Thanks to all readers for this column's 100 hits in just 9 days, though I suspect a few may have come from people who popped in and thought 'Tch, this guy's not up to much'.

(Though I hope this site's counter is more reliable than Youtube's. When I posted 'Who's Afraid Of The EDL', the clock registered 4 views within minutes, then ten, then back to 3. It now says 10 again.

I bet Labour could use a computer like that to calculate their debts for the auditors, waiting until it counts backwards to start the printout!)

You've messed about with the applet, now experience the obsession behind NuLab's computer madness.

After all, computers are good. Because they do, er... things. Even stuff that people in Labour have no idea about despite their pontification!

So that must be a lot!

_____________________________


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_08r67Wymy8"]YouTube - A Left Wing Guide To Reconnecting With The Wayward Public (demo) a[/ame]

BLURB: One of the first symptoms of a New Labour mental-case losing touch with the Public is to bang on, relentlessly and forcefully, about certain pet projects close to its heart. All with great gusto, as if the masses will be swayed by the force of the diversion and come flocking back with forgiveness in their hearts!

So let us all shout "Bleedin' hell, not ruddy computers AGAIN!!!!!!!"



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhU_ZfP_MGs"]YouTube - A Left Wing Guide To Reconnecting With The Wayward Public (demo) b[/ame]

BLURB: You'd think that such a compulsive-obsessive politician would know at least something about the subject he drones on endlessly about. But then, if he did, he'd stick out from Labour like a rotten sore thumb!

_____________________________

VITAL EMERGENCY STUDY:

How-oh-How Do We Get The Public Back? Why-oh-Why Have Those Thoughtless Berks Decided To Cause Labour Such Worry?

I know that economy isn’t as well as it could be, crime is still a massive bugbear, Immigration and Asylum is a bit ‘oo-uuh-oo’, policing is a bit woolly, the urban areas are overpacked, thus stoking all kinds of unrest and low esteem, political scandals have disturbed the Public (God knows why), high/stealth taxes have strained the Public further (oafs!), positive discrimination has enhanced society, the neglect of pensioners is only ignoring a bunch of reactionary racists anyway, the lacklustre justice system gives criminals a second chance for rehabilitation merely by not jailing the poor misunderstood souls, billions upon billions of Pounds is invested in foreign aid as British people would have only wasted it on mammoth public sector debts, the beautiful bowing and scraping to extremists and terrorists serves to calm them down (most probably), anti-social behaviour merely lets young people get their energies out, our wars to democratise places in the world which prefer dictatorships is actually all well and good, especially as we like to abuse democracy here and the EU rules us so diligently and Socialist-ly that it’s pure magic!

All this success and more is down to good solid Left Wing people!

SO WHY ARE THE PUBLIC SO SET AGAINST NEW LABOUR?!?!?!?!?!? And with them whining that we’re too PC, and fellow Left Wingers cogently and rationally stating the truth that we’re not PC enough by half, WE’RE CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE! We need the Public for their votes but we must also not lose sight of good Red justice!

The FIGHT BACK for the Public soul starts (and most probably ends) HERE:



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRnLXjLiIxg"]YouTube - A Left Wing Guide To Reconnecting With The Wayward Public (demo) c[/ame]

BLURB: The next step on the road to well-deserved PC electoral oblivion is to then try to force-feed people unpopular dogma in an attempt to convert them to Redness. Unpopular politicians are fond of this mountain-to-Mohammad policy.

People may resent that, but what more do you expect from closed-minded bigots? Got no real sense or priorities, that's their trouble!

Today, the Gay Lobby receives the benefit of Johnathan Leftwinger's patronising patronage.


[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w8YDpikLgM"]YouTube - A Left Wing Guide To Reconnecting With The Wayward Public (demo) d[/ame]

BLURB: The concluding part of this documentary shows the consequences of bucking the Public. But that's the great tragedy of Labour and the Lefties: do they do what's correct or do they show craven subservience to a bunch of bloody barbarians?!

But at least the Reds have integrity, of a sort. After all, they've shown themselves up as arrogant, truculent, out-of-touch, officious, hostile and dogma-crazed control freak nation-wreckers on the back of high moral principle!

VOTE LABOUR!

The REMASTERED OLD NEW MASTERS of NEW LABOUR!

Same again, but re-touched:



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udPNrXr50CA"]YouTube - THE JIMMY RIDDLE ORCHESTRA; I Was Gordon Brown's Batperson! (REMASTERED)[/ame]


'Induction' video for the latest LEFTWINGER interactive production.

Come to terms with quote-unquote 'bizarre' Left Wing thought processes with this handy IT computerised experience, downloadable NOW from http://www.dustybin.org.uk/Red_Arsery.zip .

See the blurb with the original video for the Full Bullsh.., I mean Enlightening Moral Position!

(Note: The horrendous reduction in sound quality caused by the Youtube video converter makes me kind-of prefer the original master; the smoother sound of the original track was easier on the renderer, which isn't very good.)



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_AJsbUfacI&feature=channel"]YouTube - THE JIMMY RIDDLE ORCHESTRA; Concept Single 18 music sessions (2009). (REMASTERED)[/ame]


A clearer, brighter and slightly bassier playback of the original master mix of the Concept Single 18 music sessions, plus additional assorted photographs from previous recordings.



[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKS-NVF_5x8&feature=channel"]YouTube - THE JIMMY RIDDLE ORCHESTRA; MIDI Symphette For Psuedo-four Piece. (REMASTERED)[/ame]