Oh it goes on... adults are just typically a bit more subtle about it.
Not subtle but slightly less physical. We had a guy where I worked who threw temper tantrums. He would scream at subordinates, throw things on his desk, stomp around. At the peak of a tantrum one day I asked if he suffered from PMS. He stormed out of the room.
Another time a man higher in the organization was regalling the senior staff with things I'd said, none of which were true. Just like in grammar school, there were always those who didn't want to play but were happy to push others to do it so half the people came and told me what was going on during a short break. When the meeting ended, with all of them heading to a local cafe for coffee together, I was waiting. As my protagonist came out I said, "That was all a pack of lies. I never said any of those things." He looked surprised and said, "Well, they were the kind of things you would say." I don't think he realized he'd just lost. He'd admitted he lied. "Well, you got me there," I said and he saw all his associates smiling and thought they were smiling for his comment.
No, bullies are always bullies. They grow up as bullies and their strategies become a little less physical but they're largely the same. And, victims grow up to be victims. Their strategies stay pretty much the same, too. I have a neighbor who is a bully. She was picking on another neighbor. The "victim" asked me what she should do and I said, "Smile nicely and say, Mary, kiss my ass." "Oh, I can't do that." "Then live with it." Some victims have to be victims as much as some bullies have to be bullies. In a way it's a symbiotic relationship and neither can change how they deal with each other.
When my son started high school he came to me in a panic. "Two of the seniors are going to beat me up. They're big, dad. Can you help me?"
"Maybe. Why do they want you to beat them up?"
"I said they were idiots, but dad, they are idiots."
"Oh, that makes what you did worse."
"Why?"
"If I said you're an idiot would you get mad?"
"No."
"Of course not because you're not an idiot. What if I said you were short?" His face got red.
"That's different."
"Bingo. When your insult is true it is different, isn't it?" He thought a bit and asked what he could do. "Catch the two guys when they're with as many of the same people as today as you can and apologize. Tell them you were wrong to say what you said and you apologize. Make it sincere and offer to shake hands."
My son came home saying, "It worked, dad, and they're not bad guys." Bottom line, if my son wasn't going to follow the victim script, the two would find someone else. But, victims almost have to follow their script.
Usually less physical but not always.
