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Marriage, Food, and Weight Gain

Aunt Spiker

Aunt Spiker

Cheese
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I've been pondering, in the last few weeks, if marital expectations + food etiquette results in larger caloric intake on routine basis.

Examples...

Married Couple:

Wife cooks dinner almost every night. Regardless of how her husband feels (tired / sick / worn out), she expects him to eat the food she's taken the time to prepare. He thus ends up eating even if not hungry.

The situation could be reversed - he has decided to bring home something his wife enjoys eating and to preserve feelings, she eats it even if she might not be hungry for it.

Thus: regardless of appetite, both situations involve an expectation to eat in order to avoid disappointment, wasted time and money, or hurt feelings (etc).

Dating Singles:

Regardless of overall relationship status, one often is on their own for food. Occasionally dating or having food prepared is common, having someone cook for you while expecting you to eat said food almost every night is not common when dating.

Thus, dating individuals consume less calories since their appetite dictates most consumption.

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Thoughts?

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This has come to mind because I'm the one responsible for most food that comes into the house and what gets fixed for dinner. If we have an unhealthy diet going on it's because of my choices. I don't like pressuring my husband to eat if he's not hungry - but often he will eat when I've prepared dinner, no matter how he's feeling.

On occasion my husband is home for lunch. I work from home. He sometime stops by fast food places at random and brings home things like pizza or hamburgers. Regardless of what I've already eaten (often = nothing), I feel driven by wasted-money guilt and you-were-thinking-of-me guilt to eat whatever this food might be. If I'm not hungry I eat half.

In both situations the other has made food-related decisions toward caloric (etc) intake.

After being married for 13 years I wonder just how many calories we've eaten form marital etiquette (etc) and not hunger.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I've been pondering, in the last few weeks, if marital expectations + food etiquette results in larger caloric intake on routine basis.

Examples...

Married Couple:

Wife cooks dinner almost every night. Regardless of how her husband feels (tired / sick / worn out), she expects him to eat the food she's taken the time to prepare. He thus ends up eating even if not hungry.

The situation could be reversed - he has decided to bring home something his wife enjoys eating and to preserve feelings, she eats it even if she might not be hungry for it.

Thus: regardless of appetite, both situations involve an expectation to eat in order to avoid disappointment, wasted time and money, or hurt feelings (etc).

Dating Singles:

Regardless of overall relationship status, one often is on their own for food. Occasionally dating or having food prepared is common, having someone cook for you while expecting you to eat said food almost every night is not common when dating.

Thus, dating individuals consume less calories since their appetite dictates most consumption.

---
Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Unlikely to be a significant cause of increased caloric intake.

If someone eats a dinner every day, they eat a dinner every day. They're not eating dinner to be polite; They're eating because they're hungry. They're hungry because it's dinner time, and that's when they eat. Their body has been trained to be hungry at that time. That's how our bodies work.

However, it is possible that, for one reason or another, there are days when a person isn't hungry at dinner time -maybe they're sick, or their stomach is upset from lunch, or they were inactive since lunch -- but that is not going to be frequent enough to have a significant effect on their total caloric intake

And people who are dating tend to be younger and they eat out more. Restaurant food is higher in calories
 
Up until the last month, I've prepared dinner for my Wife and myself on a regular basis. I feel a bit insulted when she doesn't like what I fix but, it doesn't stop me from eating my share. ;)
 
Yikes. If this is true, it looks like a good excuse to stay single.

Might be, though. My dad was saying something like this when I went home last week for Thanksgiving. He said when any of us kids come home our mom cooks way more food than normal, and he knows he is eating way too much during that time.
 
I think the root of it is simpler than that. Singles want to attract a mate. Thin is in (still). Married folks have a mate AND a whole new set of pressures that don't include staying thin.
 
It depends on the culture. There are plenty of couples who think because they're skinny everyone else has to be skiny too.

Some cultures do value heavier people because they see it as a sign of being successful.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I've been pondering, in the last few weeks, if marital expectations + food etiquette results in larger caloric intake on routine basis.

Examples...

Married Couple:

Wife cooks dinner almost every night. Regardless of how her husband feels (tired / sick / worn out), she expects him to eat the food she's taken the time to prepare. He thus ends up eating even if not hungry.

The situation could be reversed - he has decided to bring home something his wife enjoys eating and to preserve feelings, she eats it even if she might not be hungry for it.

Thus: regardless of appetite, both situations involve an expectation to eat in order to avoid disappointment, wasted time and money, or hurt feelings (etc).

Dating Singles:

Regardless of overall relationship status, one often is on their own for food. Occasionally dating or having food prepared is common, having someone cook for you while expecting you to eat said food almost every night is not common when dating.

Thus, dating individuals consume less calories since their appetite dictates most consumption.

---
Thoughts?

---
This has come to mind because I'm the one responsible for most food that comes into the house and what gets fixed for dinner. If we have an unhealthy diet going on it's because of my choices. I don't like pressuring my husband to eat if he's not hungry - but often he will eat when I've prepared dinner, no matter how he's feeling.

On occasion my husband is home for lunch. I work from home. He sometime stops by fast food places at random and brings home things like pizza or hamburgers. Regardless of what I've already eaten (often = nothing), I feel driven by wasted-money guilt and you-were-thinking-of-me guilt to eat whatever this food might be. If I'm not hungry I eat half.

In both situations the other has made food-related decisions toward caloric (etc) intake.

After being married for 13 years I wonder just how many calories we've eaten form marital etiquette (etc) and not hunger.
Click to expand...

I don't think it's marriage, per se. But just living with someone else presents food issues. If you're being good staying away from junk food, but your roomie keeps chips in teh pantry and ice cream in the freezer, that is a constant reminder and constant temptation. You or your roomie may also bring home leftovers from the office, or a good deal from a grocery store. Living alone is easier, food wise. If I don't buy it, it's not at home to eat or tempt me. I won't even think of it. If I do, then I'd have to get in the car and go get it, which I almost never will. Then, if you don't feel like eating at some time, but then your roommate starts chowing down, that might get you hungry (that's why commercials about food work, I suppose). But I don't think marriage or having a romantic relationship with the person makes much of a difference.
 
I don't think so. Not without other factors, anyway. Eating at regular times is actually good for you... assuming you're not eating too much.

I'll use myself as an example. No, I'm not married. But I am abysmal in the kitchen, and the bestie, with whom I live, is excellent. So basically, I'm not allowed in the kitchen except to make coffee, and she loves cooking, so she starts dinner basically the moment she walks in the door.

I probably do eat a bit more living with her than I did before. She actually tends to give me bigger portions, because, well, I just eat more than she does. I tend to have meals at consistent times, whereas, honestly, living alone, I often didn't. I suck at cooking, and I don't really enjoy it, so I'd often eat are irregular times based on when I felt like dealing with it. Also, since there's only one of me and there was other stuff that needed doing, I missed a meal here or there. Less of a problem with 2 people who can split the work.

...Yet I've not gained or lost any weight, unless it's for outside reasons (quitting smoking, getting the flu, etc).

Why?

Well, might be because I'm 26. It's still easier for me to lose weight than to gain it.

Might be because neither of us are sedentary. Middle aged, middle class Americans are generally extremely sedentary.

All kinds of reasons.

If they're making too much, I don't think it's rude to say, "Your cooking is great, but I can never finish all of it. Can you make a bit less?" Or hell, just keep it as leftovers. Loving the meal doesn't change how big your stomach is, and that shouldn't be insulting to someone.

Also, people tend to get less and less active as they get older, even as their metabolism is slowing down. Of course they'll gain weight in that situation if they still eat the same.

I think it comes down to the simple equation that everyone knows, yet everyone tries to get around.

Eating at regular times = good. Eating more than you need and not working it off = not so good.
 
Last edited:
Aunt Spiker said:
I've been pondering, in the last few weeks, if marital expectations + food etiquette results in larger caloric intake on routine basis.

Examples...

Married Couple:

Wife cooks dinner almost every night. Regardless of how her husband feels (tired / sick / worn out), she expects him to eat the food she's taken the time to prepare. He thus ends up eating even if not hungry.

The situation could be reversed - he has decided to bring home something his wife enjoys eating and to preserve feelings, she eats it even if she might not be hungry for it.

Thus: regardless of appetite, both situations involve an expectation to eat in order to avoid disappointment, wasted time and money, or hurt feelings (etc).

Dating Singles:

Regardless of overall relationship status, one often is on their own for food. Occasionally dating or having food prepared is common, having someone cook for you while expecting you to eat said food almost every night is not common when dating.

Thus, dating individuals consume less calories since their appetite dictates most consumption.

---
Thoughts?

---
This has come to mind because I'm the one responsible for most food that comes into the house and what gets fixed for dinner. If we have an unhealthy diet going on it's because of my choices. I don't like pressuring my husband to eat if he's not hungry - but often he will eat when I've prepared dinner, no matter how he's feeling.

On occasion my husband is home for lunch. I work from home. He sometime stops by fast food places at random and brings home things like pizza or hamburgers. Regardless of what I've already eaten (often = nothing), I feel driven by wasted-money guilt and you-were-thinking-of-me guilt to eat whatever this food might be. If I'm not hungry I eat half.

In both situations the other has made food-related decisions toward caloric (etc) intake.

After being married for 13 years I wonder just how many calories we've eaten form marital etiquette (etc) and not hunger.
Click to expand...
Lol you can now write a paper. Funny Nobel Prize beckons you.
 
WCH said:
Up until the last month, I've prepared dinner for my Wife and myself on a regular basis. I feel a bit insulted when she doesn't like what I fix but, it doesn't stop me from eating my share. ;)
Click to expand...
Lol. We feel insulted every time others do not appreciate what we prepare so to spare our feelings, people may lie to us. My ex-girlfriend once confessed that she didn't like the biscuits I mailed to her and I was so speechless at that moment. Hey, she posted a picture of the biscuits saying thanks to me and everyone knew it..
 
idea_steed said:
Lol you can now write a paper. Funny Nobel Prize beckons you.
Click to expand...

lol

When am I not writing? I tend to over-analyze everything on the path to fiction-output. Got me relationship variables.
 
Celebrating "happiness" isn't anything new. Part of the celebration can involve eating. Being in a relationship that tends to increase one's sense of well-being and overall feelings of contentment "to the better" "can" play a role in weight gain.

There is an antithesis. Some people who find themselves in an unhappy relationship might use food to means to achieve a higher sense of contentment or well-being.

And let's not forget people who have experienced a recent breakup - and find themselves rapidly losing weight - even if they are naturally (genetically) thin.

Live is pretty complicated. Almost as complicated as our bodies.
 
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