How far do you go with married people?

How much love and affection are you willing show for people you really like who are married or taken in relationships? Or if you are married, how much are you willing to show others, even if they're aren't married? Do you kiss or hug, say you love them, flirt, or just keep it to general kindness?

What did you do now?

OrphanSlug said:

What did you do now?

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:lol: Nothing. Just an interesting subject to me.

If you're married, you have no business flirting with anyone other than your spouse.

JC Callender said:

How much love and affection are you willing show for people you really like who are married or taken in relationships? Or if you are married, how much are you willing to show others, even if they're aren't married? Do you kiss or hug, say you love them, flirt, or just keep it to general kindness?

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Well it depends. I tend to be that type of person that everyone trusts. Sometimes people think im a jerk for being honest but generally I tend to be viewed as no threat. Since I tend to be overly accommodating of people, and generally disinterested in most who find interest in me, along with an uptight goody goody attitude most people do not expect any ill intentions from me. So generally I would get away with a lot more than most people with another persons spouse/partner since people are kind of like "Oh no its just them, they wont do anything". If its a previous friend and the person they dating are also a friend, I will sometimes be cautious and maybe hug, but if I am unsure I will ask my other friend if there anything they dont want me doing with their partner. Like do they believe its rude to go out to movies with them and stuff. I dont really do stuff like cuddle with most people though, I generally only do such things with partners. However I will jokingly sometimes make pervy references to that person regarding their partner but not necessarily hit on him. Like if for example a female friend comes in wearing a sexy santa outfit I will say "Oh did you put on something cute for your Boyfriend"? I can be very honest somewhat like if I think someone looks pretty I might just right out and say it but I never flirt and I not sleezy and hitting on people that are not mine. Though I think in some cases even if I did, my reputation means I would most likely get away with it. Most people never suspect me to be the one who cheats with their lover. Im everyone's best friend. If I liked someone who was married though I would not ever pursue them. Since I dont believe in going after taken people. It is just terribly dishonest.

Van Basten said:

If you're married, you have no business flirting with anyone other than your spouse.

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I knew a gorgeous gal who was around 50 years old when I was in my early thirties and she flirted with me like crazy for about 20 minutes but also made it known that she was married. She also talked about moving out of state in the near future. I thought it was fun and harmless. There was no sexual talk, just smiling and giggling like she thought I was cute. I think the age difference and making it known that she's married made it a little more acceptable to me.

JC Callender said:

I knew a gorgeous gal who was around 50 years old when I was in my early thirties and she flirted with me like crazy for about 20 minutes but also made it known that she was married. She also talked about moving out of state in the near future. I thought it was fun and harmless. There was no sexual talk, just smiling and giggling like she thought I was cute. I think the age difference and making it known that she's married made it a little more acceptable to me.

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If it were a married man in his fifties with a woman in her early thirties, would it still be fine to you?

JC Callender said:

How much love and affection are you willing show for people you really like who are married or taken in relationships? Or if you are married, how much are you willing to show others, even if they're aren't married? Do you kiss or hug, say you love them, flirt, or just keep it to general kindness?

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I will hug. I am not much of a "kiss on the cheek" kind of guy. I only kiss my wife and children. But I hug anyone to whom I am close, man or woman, married or single. The only non-family member I say "I love you" to is my best friend in rare, and intoxicated, moments.

I am married so I don't flirt with anyone. I might be a LITTLE more friendly with cute women but I don't think anyone would ever confuse it with flirting. When I was single I would never flirt with a married or engaged woman or any woman a friend of mine was seeing. But if she was just casually dating someone I didn't know, sure, I would flirt. I might even ask her out. Dating is just dating.

Van Basten said:

If it were a married man in his fifties with a woman in her early thirties, would it still be fine to you?

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I don't think so. I did have a married woman in my neighborhood who fit your description and she was a runner...really cute too. She stopped in front of my house one day as I was taking off and had a big grin on her face as if she wanted to strike up a conversation and I just gave her a friendly wave and took off. I felt it would've been too risky and certainly wouldn't want to hurt her husbands feelings.

BrewerBob said:

I will hug. I am not much of a "kiss on the cheek" kind of guy. I only kiss my wife and children. But I hug anyone to whom I am close, man or woman, married or single. The only non-family member I say "I love you" to is my best friend in rare, and intoxicated, moments.

I am married so I don't flirt with anyone. I might be a LITTLE more friendly with cute women but I don't think anyone would ever confuse it with flirting. When I was single I would never flirt with a married or engaged woman or any woman a friend of mine was seeing. But if she was just casually dating someone I didn't know, sure, I would flirt. I might even ask her out. Dating is just dating.

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I hung out with some family and friends one night and my uncle's friend arrived at the restaurant with his wife and walked up and kissed my uncle's wife on the lips. I actually thought it was very sweet to my uncle's wife and showed a strong friendship with my uncle. And his wife didn't mind one bit.

JC Callender said:

I hung out with some family and friends one night and my uncle's friend arrived at the restaurant with his wife and walked up and kissed my uncle's wife on the lips. I actually thought it was very sweet to my uncle's wife and showed a strong friendship with my uncle. And his wife didn't mind one bit.

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Yeah, I can imagine scenarios where there wouldn't be anything wrong with it. A peck on the lips can most certainly be platonic. It's just not my style.

I've been married to the same man for 43 years. And I can honestly say in all those years I never was unfaithful. However, to tell you that all 43 years were totally bliss and I was never tempted would be a lie.

I found the greatest temptations came from those you closely worked with. And after confessions we shared with one another it was the same for him as it was for me.
'
I am so glad neither ever gave into those temptations. I couldn't imagine life today without my soul mate for a sexual affair with another would have truly destroyed all we have together.

JC Callender said:

How much love and affection are you willing show for people you really like who are married or taken in relationships? Or if you are married, how much are you willing to show others, even if they're aren't married? Do you kiss or hug, say you love them, flirt, or just keep it to general kindness?

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I understand the question perfectly.


Many of my friends, I guess due to similar tastes(?), are married to women I find both highly attractive and very admirable of character and personality.


I should also mention that most of my friends are ex-military, ex-cops, that sort of thing... and in many cases bloody damn dangerous men to cross, even for me.


So I have always been VERY careful to be polite and respectful, and to confine my expressions of affection or admiration to that which is proper and which THEY (both) are comfortable with. Both because I hold marriage sacrosanct and would loathe myself if I ever caused someone to violate their vows, as well as not wanting to end up in a kill-or-be-killed with one of my rather dangerous buddies.


So if there is hugging, I always let the buddy's wife be the first to reach, and otherwise I stand at least a pace apart from her and keep my gorram hands to myself.

If she's really desirable in my eyes, I tend to address her formally as in "Miz Jolene" rather than just "Jolene" and bring out my "yes ma'am's" and "no-ma'am's" even if she is younger than me.


Now some of my buddies are perfectly aware that my inner caveman struggles not to covet their marvelous wives... which they mostly find amusing. One, however, actually told me that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to know I had the green light to pursue the widow.

That was both one of the most flattering and awkward things I think anyone has ever said to me.

JC Callender said:

How much love and affection are you willing show for people you really like who are married or taken in relationships? Or if you are married, how much are you willing to show others, even if they're aren't married? Do you kiss or hug, say you love them, flirt, or just keep it to general kindness?

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You're joking, right? A committed relationship is just that... a committed relationship. Anyone who flirts, kisses, hugs, or declares love for anyone outside of that relationship is clearly not committed, and is betraying his/her significant other in a completely unacceptable manner.

(I'm obviously not referring to appropriate gestures of affection within one's own extended family and circle of close friends.)

DiAnna said:

You're joking, right? A committed relationship is just that... a committed relationship. Anyone who flirts, kisses, hugs, or declares love for anyone outside of that relationship is clearly not committed, and is betraying his/her significant other in a completely unacceptable manner.

(I'm obviously not referring to appropriate gestures of affection within one's own extended family and circle of close friends.)

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No, not joking. I knew a friend who greeted his best friends wife with a kiss on the lips and no one had a problem with it. Is that still betrayal? I've also hugged friends and customers who are married on several occasions and never once was accused of flirting.

Goshin said:

I understand the question perfectly.


Many of my friends, I guess due to similar tastes(?), are married to women I find both highly attractive and very admirable of character and personality.


I should also mention that most of my friends are ex-military, ex-cops, that sort of thing... and in many cases bloody damn dangerous men to cross, even for me.


So I have always been VERY careful to be polite and respectful, and to confine my expressions of affection or admiration to that which is proper and which THEY (both) are comfortable with. Both because I hold marriage sacrosanct and would loathe myself if I ever caused someone to violate their vows, as well as not wanting to end up in a kill-or-be-killed with one of my rather dangerous buddies.


So if there is hugging, I always let the buddy's wife be the first to reach, and otherwise I stand at least a pace apart from her and keep my gorram hands to myself.

If she's really desirable in my eyes, I tend to address her formally as in "Miz Jolene" rather than just "Jolene" and bring out my "yes ma'am's" and "no-ma'am's" even if she is younger than me.


Now some of my buddies are perfectly aware that my inner caveman struggles not to covet their marvelous wives... which they mostly find amusing. One, however, actually told me that if anything ever happened to him, he wanted me to know I had the green light to pursue the widow.

That was both one of the most flattering and awkward things I think anyone has ever said to me.

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Being respectful to husband and wife is definitely an important part in showing affection to married women,imo. You seem like a great friend!

JC Callender said:

No, not joking. I knew a friend who greeted his best friends wife with a kiss on the lips and no one had a problem with it. Is that still betrayal? I've also hugged friends and customers who are married on several occasions and never once was accused of flirting.

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Are those gestures of affection viewed as appropriate within your own extended family and circle of friends? Re-read my post. The answer is there.

JC Callender said:

I don't think so. I did have a married woman in my neighborhood who fit your description and she was a runner...really cute too. She stopped in front of my house one day as I was taking off and had a big grin on her face as if she wanted to strike up a conversation and I just gave her a friendly wave and took off. I felt it would've been too risky and certainly wouldn't want to hurt her husbands feelings.

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Not very consistent.

I admire your tact, but neither scenario is acceptable to me.

DiAnna said:

Are those gestures of affection viewed as appropriate within your own extended family and circle of friends? Re-read my post. The answer is there.

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Well, "appropriate" is relative, which is why I posted this tread in the first place. I want to know what each person finds appropriate. Btw, I responded to your initial post, not the edited version.

Van Basten said:

Not very consistent.

I admire your tact, but neither scenario is acceptable to me.

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Fair enough. My point is that some people really love affection and will get away with as much as they can while remaining faithful to their spouse. And these people are often very happy as a result of a life full of affection, which their spouses benefit from as well.

JC Callender said:

How much love and affection are you willing show for people you really like who are married or taken in relationships? Or if you are married, how much are you willing to show others, even if they're aren't married? Do you kiss or hug, say you love them, flirt, or just keep it to general kindness?

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Depends on their relationship -- i.e. not how good or bad it is, but what its rules are. If someone tells me they're open or poly, I am probably not going to get overly involved (that kind of dynamic is just too complicated for my tastes), but I'm not going to worry about flirting with them either.

As to myself? Well, I kind of just act like me. To be honest, if my partner freaked out over my hugging people or telling my loved ones that I love them, I would tell him to calm the hell down. People around here do cheek kisses too. So, when in Rome. Overly jealous and clingy partners who don't think their partner should be close to anyone but them annoy the hell out of me. I'm not your stuffed animal, and I'm allowed to have close relationships with others without any special rules. That's just called a healthy social life. Not having that is codependency.

Flirting wise, I guess I don't. I say that because I seem to get less attention while taken, and I'm not really consciously trying to avoid attention. Must just be my demeanour, or maybe I just don't notice as much when I'm not looking.

Overall, my way of interacting is not dramatically different while taken. No reason it should be. I don't try to date every guy I meet, or even 5% of them, so taking it from under 5% to none is not much of a leap.

SmokeAndMirrors said:

Depends on their relationship -- i.e. not how good or bad it is, but what its rules are. If someone tells me they're open or poly, I am probably not going to get overly involved (that kind of dynamic is just too complicated for my tastes), but I'm not going to worry about flirting with them either.

As to myself? Well, I kind of just act like me. To be honest, if my partner freaked out over my hugging people or telling my loved ones that I love them, I would tell him to calm the hell down. People around here do cheek kisses too. So, when in Rome. Overly jealous and clingy partners who don't think their partner should be close to anyone but them annoy the hell out of me. I'm not your stuffed animal, and I'm allowed to have close relationships with others without any special rules. That's just called a healthy social life. Not having that is codependency.

Flirting wise, I guess I don't. I say that because I seem to get less attention while taken, and I'm not really consciously trying to avoid attention. Must just be my demeanour, or maybe I just don't notice as much when I'm not looking.

Overall, my way of interacting is not dramatically different while taken. No reason it should be. I don't try to date every guy I meet, or even 5% of them, so taking it from under 5% to none is not much of a leap.

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Do you like the cheek kisses? Does anyone over there consider them somewhat intimate, or are they like handshakes?

JC Callender said:

Do you like the cheek kisses? Does anyone over there consider them somewhat intimate, or are they like handshakes?

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The cheek kiss thing is mostly a function of class in the UK (middle and up). The lower class doesn't really do that, but they're still more hug-y than most Americans. It's not considered terribly intimate. Some people do it with people they just met.

I'm a little awkward about when someone I've just met does it. I come from a family of big personal bubbles.

But I find myself taking well to the more intimate way of interacting once I know someone a little. It suits my natural personality better, regardless of my upbringing.

SmokeAndMirrors said:

The cheek kiss thing is mostly a function of class in the UK (middle and up). The lower class doesn't really do that, but they're still more hug-y than most Americans. It's not considered terribly intimate. Some people do it with people they just met.

I'm a little awkward about when someone I've just met does it. I come from a family of big personal bubbles.

But I find myself taking well to the more intimate way of interacting once I know someone a little. It suits my natural personality better, regardless of my upbringing.

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Paul McCartney is upper class, if you see him in London are you going to kiss him?

JC Callender said:

Paul McCartney is upper class, if you see him in London are you going to kiss him?

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Uh, if he initiates, I guess. :lol: I never really initiate. I don't feel like I understand the rules well enough yet. Also, like I said, big bubble with people I just met.

You get used to seeing celebrities wandering around here. Saw Nicki Minaj marching up Cavendish Square the other day. My flatmate has Robert DeNiro and Helena Bonam Carter in her store regularly -- it's just a frozen food place.