First let me say how deeply I appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice. I've kind of been losing my mind and desperately needed to talk things through...
Cover your butt, hon. Document EVERYTHING. That will be your saving grace. Save emails, texts, try to record any conversations with her. Print out where she stole your money, if you can. And get you a safe-deposit box at the bank that she doesn't know about, and save it all there. Also, start keeping your cash there, too.
Way ahead on the record keeping. I've known for the last three years that she's suffering from a severe form of narcissism. You don't see it unless you get close to her. I started recording and documenting everything in the hope it would help with therapy.
We didn't live together and had separate finances. This was all cash. Good advise, lesson learned. I just never expected she would stoop that low.. Or the public defamation.
Meh, beauty fades. Character is what matters.
Exactly. Honestly, I fell madly in love with her long before ever seeing her. Not sure what is facade and what is real anymore.
Politically, how does she lean?
Don't know. She used to say other, but she's all excited about Hillary, so... Shrugs.
seems the trophy has tarnished
unfortunare, because it is obvious you (still) care about her very much
but she has abused your kindnesses
>>>I did care very much.
And never viewed her as a trophy. I hated that she was so beautiful that most men in the room, or passers by are drawn to her.
i had a canned response to your opening question where she lied about her age. if that was the extent of the misrepresentation then i would cut her a break in the belief that she lied to be found acceptable by you in a way she may not have been had you known her real chronological age. a bit flattering, actually; she wanted to put her best foot forward to enable a relationship that may never have been possible but for the obviously credible lie
unfortunately, the betrayal is WAY beyond misrepresenting her age. she is spreading malicious rumors about your character. and stealing your money put away for a prudent purpose. then refusing to leave when you insisted - well, maybe you weakened on that front. is she entitled to a legal interest in the home in any way; on the mortgage, deed, lease? if so, that will complicate things considerably. can't force someone to vacate their own legal residence
did y'all have separate accounts, or joint ones? that might prove to be significant relative to whether she was committing theft or 'just' spending assets in a way you did not approve
her professional qualifications being puffed socially is an effort to be seen in the best (but again misleading) light. if she does it professionally, it could be a huge issue; fraud, potentially
but you still care enough to want to help
does she care enough to help herself?
if not, do whatever you must to protect your own interests
she must want to change to actually begin to change
i feel for you. those big pluses suddenly turned into major minuses before you saw the change coming. look out for number one. if there is anything else, help her - if you feel the need to do so
as lucy says, that will be 5c please
That's the thing about narcissists, they aren't capable of even entertaining the idea that there is anything wrong with them, what they do, or say. She knows it's wrong if she gets a taste of her own medicine, but cannot process her own behaviors as wrong.
When pushed on the obvious double standard at play, she will lead you all the way down the rabbit hole and deep into wonderland with rationalizations, justifications, deflections, lies, changing what she said, changing what I said (massively misquoting me.. to me)... Anything no matter how absurd to make whatever happened, not her fault.
... I think I needed this to remind myself...
Most people and psyche professionals will tell you to give up and run. The leaders in her field seem to think it's possible to help her. And this is what I keep coming back to... She has sons, family, an ex who can't get away from her. And future boyfriends that won't figure it out until it's too late. To me, this is like walking away from someone being attacked on the street... Or letting someone bleed out because you don't want to get involved.
Is it stupid to want to see everyone suffering and/or affected, heal? Including her? To prevent more social damage?
This is what has my mind reeling... If she had been honest from the start about everything, I wouldn't have thought any less of her than the most amazing woman I've ever met.
