Thread: Should I be Concerned?...... [W:17]

Originally Posted by lizzie

Frankly- based on Tigger's posts here, Hispanic culture would likely agree with him.

It's definitely been an insight into a very different family dynamic than I'm used to, which has been quite interesting. The food has also been a very nice surprise, though I'm now fighting not to put back on all that weight I've lost over the last two years. ;-) I've also increased my Spanish vocabulary from about 6 words to probably closer to 2 dozen.

Originally Posted by tessaesque

It's certainly possible. I actually thought to myself earlier that if Tisha is from an Hispanic background that might explain why their dynamic has been successful for the last few months. Based on what Tigger has described as his ideal partnership, Hispanic women and some Asian women would be most inclined to fit into the wife role he finds most satisfactory.

Humorous side-note.... About three weeks ago she brought up the topic of married names, and asked what I thought about it. I told her it didn't really matter to me and that it would be up to her to make that decision if/when the time arrives. Her response was, "So, you wouldn't mind if I took '*****' (my last name) instead of hyphenating it onto my maiden name?" I told her I wouldn't mind at all.

Originally Posted by Tigger

Humorous side-note.... About three weeks ago she brought up the topic of married names, and asked what I thought about it. I told her it didn't really matter to me and that it would be up to her to make that decision if/when the time arrives. Her response was, "So, you wouldn't mind if I took '*****' (my last name) instead of hyphenating it onto my maiden name?" I told her I wouldn't mind at all.

When I was younger I was determined to keep my last name, no hyphen. I'm the only child, so I'm the only one who can carry on my dad's line directly from him. Now, though, I realize I don't have to keep my name to carry on his tradition, so I'm more than happen to take the boyfriend's name when the time comes.

I think if the last name sounded absolutely ridiculous with my first name I might reconsider. Fortunately, though, that isn't the case.

Originally Posted by Tigger

Yes, we're definitely on the same page as her family. I just seem to think that our timetable is a little longer than theirs is.

I wouldn't worry about that too much. It just sounds like they are happy for you two.

One thing though, you don't just marry a woman, you marry her family as well, metaphorically speaking. It's always a good idea to get an understanding of their worldviews and such.

Originally Posted by Tucker Case

I wouldn't worry about that too much. It just sounds like they are happy for you two.

I know they're happy for us. I'm just a little bit concerned about being annointed as "the only son-in-law we'll likely have" considering they have 5 daughters (3 biological and 2 adopted), of whom Tisha is the oldest.

Originally Posted by Tucker Case

One thing though, you don't just marry a woman, you marry her family as well, metaphorically speaking. It's always a good idea to get an understanding of their worldviews and such.

Trust me I understand that. The same way that she has to get an idea of my crazy group of relatives as well. We've spent more time with her family so far, mostly due to distance. She'll get her first BIG taste of how crazy my relations are next month at the "59th Annual *****Family Picnic" the Sunday after the 4th of July.

Originally Posted by Tigger

I'm sure most of you have by now seen some of my comments about the wonderful young lady I've been seeing for the last five months. Things are going really well, and we're both hoping that this is going to be the permanent relationship we've both been looking for, but something happened yesterday that got me a little nervous....

Tisha's grandparents have been visiting from Puerto Rico for the last month. I've been told that I made an excellent impression on her grandfather and that her grandmother likes me a lot as well. Yesterday was a combined Father's Day and farewell gathering of the family since they're headed back to Puerto Rico today. So, as they're getting ready to leave last evening, I made a point of going over to say goodbye to each of them, tell them how nice it was to meet them, and let them know that Tisha and I are considering taking a trip to the island next year. Her grandmother was very happy with that idea. Then her grandfather asks.... "So, when are you two going to get married?" I told him that we'd talked a little about it and hoped that's where things were going. He replied.... "That's good. So when will the wedding be?" Having realized he was looking for a more definitive answer, I told him that if everything went well it would likely be in mid-2014. He smiled at me and said "Good."

Tisha on the other hand, got it from her grandmother; who informed her that the next time she came to the States would be for Tisha's wedding and that she would come and stay for a while "when you get pregnant".

This is all on top of her mother starting to call her Tisha "*****" (MY last name, not theirs) and her father commenting that when the funds from an inheritance he's getting come in soon he's putting away a certain amount of it for the "Tisha and Scott Wedding Fund."

Am I in as deep trouble as I seem to think I am?......

This is a foreshadow, a sample of the family dynamic you would have to sail through should you marry her. It's neither good nor bad. Those terms don't apply. I would look into what other expectations a traditional porterican family would place on a young suiter. Again, this isn't good or bad, it just is. The more information you have the better prepared you will be.

Originally Posted by Jerry

This is a foreshadow, a sample of the family dynamic you would have to sail through should you marry her. It's neither good nor bad. Those terms don't apply. I would look into what other expectations a traditional porterican family would place on a young suiter. Again, this isn't good or bad, it just is. The more information you have the better prepared you will be.

Thanks for the advice Jerry. Probably not a bad idea.

I can only mirror others' comments here. The only important thing is that you are both on the same page regarding each other's roles, and they are roles that both are not only willing, but happy to commit. A happy, satisfying family life for all involved is, in my opinion, the pinnacle for which most humans strive.

I do seriously encourage you to learn as much as possible about her culture, from her, from research, and from others. Learning the speak Spanish fluently will be a godsend in the future... trust me... and I imagine she will want her children raised to understand the culture of their relatives as well.

I wish you both well, and hope that everything works out as you both want.

even having the same culture may not be enough for the couples to get along with each other. their families must be understanding and kind hearted enough to make the couple feel good too..

Originally Posted by DiAnna

I can only mirror others' comments here. The only important thing is that you are both on the same page regarding each other's roles, and they are roles that both are not only willing, but happy to commit. A happy, satisfying family life for all involved is, in my opinion, the pinnacle for which most humans strive.

Yes, we are both on the same page in regards to roles and the way a family should operate.

Originally Posted by DiAnna

I do seriously encourage you to learn as much as possible about her culture, from her, from research, and from others. Learning the speak Spanish fluently will be a godsend in the future... trust me... and I imagine she will want her children raised to understand the culture of their relatives as well.

She has only ever lived in PR for about 15 months, back in her early childhood. We've talked about a bunch of things, but for the most part her family doesn't operate with any serious differences from the Italian families I grew up around in CT. I've started learning a bit of Spanish, but she doesn't even speak it fluently herself. Nobody other than her parents/grandparents do, and they all speak English most of the time. I'm trying to get as much info as I can on the customs, culture, etc....

Originally Posted by DiAnna

I wish you both well, and hope that everything works out as you both want.

Thank you very much , DiAnna.

Originally Posted by Medusa

even having the same culture may not be enough for the couples to get along with each other. their families must be understanding and kind hearted enough to make the couple feel good too..

So far, so good on that front. My mom is still not totally onboard, but she'll come around. We haven't spent enough time with her yet (she lives in Buffalo, NY); but once we have I know she'll love Tisha as much as I do. If for no other reason than the fact that her son does.