Thread: Serious Date Advice Requested

Kind of an offshoot of the "Unusual Dates" Thread from last week....

The lady I am currently seeing (Patricia) and I will be attending a medieval recreation event in Manchester, NH next Saturday. This is a fairly large event (400-500) people put on by a group that I've been part of for close to two decades and where I am very well known. She has never been to one of these events, and other than me will not likely know even a single person there. Patricia is very excited to be going with me. She is even excited about getting to dress up in period costume for the day (I've arranged for someone from our local group to have properly sized garb available for her once we get on-site Saturday morning and to be there to help her get dressed if necessary).

My concern is that taking her into this completely new world where she doesn't know anyone other than me, and only vaguely understands the rules and customs has the potential to be a total disaster. She and I have discussed most of the really important rules and customs already (and I'm sure we will again). She has spent a bunch of time checking the group out online as well. I'm just wondering if there are some other things that I can do in order to mitigate the potential for this turning from what I think could be a really fun day into a total disaster of epic proportions.

Any SERIOUS and CONSTRUCTIVE advice would be greatly appreciated.

Originally Posted by Tigger

Kind of an offshoot of the "Unusual Dates" Thread from last week....

The lady I am currently seeing (Patricia) and I will be attending a medieval recreation event in Manchester, NH next Saturday. This is a fairly large event (400-500) people put on by a group that I've been part of for close to two decades and where I am very well known. She has never been to one of these events, and other than me will not likely know even a single person there. Patricia is very excited to be going with me. She is even excited about getting to dress up in period costume for the day (I've arranged for someone from our local group to have properly sized garb available for her once we get on-site Saturday morning and to be there to help her get dressed if necessary).

My concern is that taking her into this completely new world where she doesn't know anyone other than me, and only vaguely understands the rules and customs has the potential to be a total disaster. She and I have discussed most of the really important rules and customs already (and I'm sure we will again). She has spent a bunch of time checking the group out online as well. I'm just wondering if there are some other things that I can do in order to mitigate the potential for this turning from what I think could be a really fun day into a total disaster of epic proportions.

Any SERIOUS and CONSTRUCTIVE advice would be greatly appreciated.

I would hope your group would take it easy on someone if they didn't follow the customs to the precise detail they require. If your so strict about everything she's likely to not have any fun and never want to do it again.

Originally Posted by Tigger

Kind of an offshoot of the "Unusual Dates" Thread from last week....

The lady I am currently seeing (Patricia) and I will be attending a medieval recreation event in Manchester, NH next Saturday. This is a fairly large event (400-500) people put on by a group that I've been part of for close to two decades and where I am very well known. She has never been to one of these events, and other than me will not likely know even a single person there. Patricia is very excited to be going with me. She is even excited about getting to dress up in period costume for the day (I've arranged for someone from our local group to have properly sized garb available for her once we get on-site Saturday morning and to be there to help her get dressed if necessary).

My concern is that taking her into this completely new world where she doesn't know anyone other than me, and only vaguely understands the rules and customs has the potential to be a total disaster. She and I have discussed most of the really important rules and customs already (and I'm sure we will again). She has spent a bunch of time checking the group out online as well. I'm just wondering if there are some other things that I can do in order to mitigate the potential for this turning from what I think could be a really fun day into a total disaster of epic proportions.
Any SERIOUS and CONSTRUCTIVE advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think you should be really upfront with her. Let her know that if she doesn't do her homework properly and causes you discomfort, you will be physically assaulting her in the parking lot....I mean just saying, "Now, sweetie, if you embarrass me in public today, I'm going to spank you," just doesn't cut it.

The only way this will turn into "a total disaster of epic proportions" is if you act yourself.

The only advise I can give, given the person that you're are. Is that you not act like a jerk, not physically assault your date and not be a complete dickhead.

That might help.

Beyond that you'll continue to be a misguided imbecile that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

It might be a good idea to let her know she should bring along a bodyguard.

1. If she commits a faux pas, laugh it off.
2. Don't take yourselves/the event too seriously. After all, nobody with any concept of "Medieval living" ever graced the shores of our fair country, especially not the NE coastline, so it's not as if the event can be truly accurate, anyway.
3. Don't harp too much on the potential for mistakes. Allow her to feel comfortable; worrying her over the chances of her screwing up and the weight of her screwing up will only make it more likely to happen.

Originally Posted by roughdraft274

I would hope your group would take it easy on someone if they didn't follow the customs to the precise detail they require. If your so strict about everything she's likely to not have any fun and never want to do it again.

I'm almost worried about the opposite effect, roughdraft. As I said, I'm pretty well known in the group, and that means she's going to have probably 250 brand new friends she's never met the moment she walks in the door with me. We absolutely love newcomers, and sometimes that can be almost worse than being unkind to them. As the old phrase goes.... "Killing them with kindness". Nobody is going to complain if she doesn't address them with their proper title; but I'm concerned that she may feel bad because she doesn't know how to properly address people. I generally prefer to introduce people to the group at smaller events, but this is the only local event I've got on my schedule in the near future and she really wants to go.

Originally Posted by Tigger

I'm almost worried about the opposite effect, roughdraft. As I said, I'm pretty well known in the group, and that means she's going to have probably 250 brand new friends she's never met the moment she walks in the door with me. We absolutely love newcomers, and sometimes that can be almost worse than being unkind to them. As the old phrase goes.... "Killing them with kindness". Nobody is going to complain if she doesn't address them with their proper title; but I'm concerned that she may feel bad because she doesn't know how to properly address people. I generally prefer to introduce people to the group at smaller events, but this is the only local event I've got on my schedule in the near future and she really wants to go.

If I were going to a special event with a date, and he knew everyone there, I'd like it a lot. And if they are hugely welcoming to her, she'll feel like Princess for a Day. Don't be lookin' for problems! Go, have a good time, don't be judgmental, and leave all your preconceived notions at home. Put your focus on her...show her a good time...and keep your hands to yourself.

Originally Posted by tessaesque

1. If she commits a faux pas, laugh it off.
2. Don't take yourselves/the event too seriously. After all, nobody with any concept of "Medieval living" ever graced the shores of our fair country, especially not the NE coastline, so it's not as if the event can be truly accurate, anyway.
3. Don't harp too much on the potential for mistakes. Allow her to feel comfortable; worrying her over the chances of her screwing up and the weight of her screwing up will only make it more likely to happen.

tessa, thank you very much for the Serious and Constructive response. We've all been there before. Most of us remember the totally overwhelming feeling that our first event brought on.... all these people in funny clothes with odd names and titles. I know the other attendees won't be concerned if she calls Duchess Anna Mi'Lady instead of Your Grace, but I get the feeling she might end up not interacting with people because of the potential for a faux pas. Hell, I've made the mistake myself of using a wrong title more than once. We tend to get some good-natured ribbing over it and move on. I just don't want her to feel that if she makes an unknowing mistake that she's going to ruin the day.

Oh, and I think the Vikings might have something to say about your "nobody with any concept of 'Medieval Living' ever graced the shores of our fair country" comment. :-P

Originally Posted by Tigger

tessa, thank you very much for the Serious and Constructive response. We've all been there before. Most of us remember the totally overwhelming feeling that our first event brought on.... all these people in funny clothes with odd names and titles. I know the other attendees won't be concerned if she calls Duchess Anna Mi'Lady instead of Your Grace, but I get the feeling she might end up not interacting with people because of the potential for a faux pas. Hell, I've made the mistake myself of using a wrong title more than once. We tend to get some good-natured ribbing over it and move on. I just don't want her to feel that if she makes an unknowing mistake that she's going to ruin the day.

Oh, and I think the Vikings might have something to say about your "nobody with any concept of 'Medieval Living' ever graced the shores of our fair country" comment. :-P

Ah, but I would consider the vikings more barbaric/mystical than medieval...

As for your concerns...I didn't understand where exactly you were coming from..I thought you were worried about her making a mistake because it would reflect on YOU, not because you were worried about her comfort.....

That being the case. I'd focus highly on my #3 suggestion. If she chooses the wrong title play into it. "Ah, but it appears my fair maiden questions your clout, madam"...or something kind of silly/funny. Play into it and make the mistake something fun/funny instead of something where she might feel awkward. If she knows she won't be condemned/ridiculed for mis-addressing a duke then she'll be more open and willing to communicate. Or, you could address somebody incorrectly at first meeting...on purpose. "My dear, this is the lowly peasant...erm, duke of Ellington, Sir Ian Justabutt." That'll break the ice and let her know people aren't going to freak out over small stuff.