Thread: Friendship with the Opposite Gender

Have you ever had a close friendship with an attractive person of the opposite sex where you had no desire to sleep or mess around with them?

I have several guy friends and I would very much like to believe that we are just friends and have no desire to do that but I keep finding out that they would want to have sex if possible. I, of course, do not want that. I want to just have male friends to hang out with. I had one friend tell me all he wanted to do was cuddle with someone but that was not acceptable typically for guys. Then another friend told me it was ridiculous to just want someone to cuddle and that someone always wants more. WHY?!

Alright, so although I'm having like mini mental breakdown with this question I'd still like to know the answer. Have you ever had a friendship with the opposite gender where neither side had any intention of having sex?

No, I've never been close friends with an attractive woman without wanting to sleep with her. On the other hand, I've been in a lot of close friendships with attractive women in which I wouldn't sleep with them, no matter how badly I wanted to-- but that had to do with the ethics of the situation.

I've also never acted like someone's friend just to try to sleep with them; frankly, I think that's disgusting.

What a coincidence that I'd run into this thread at such a time as this. I just spent the 3 day weekend at a female friend's apartment. Both of us just moved into new states, have no real friends yet, and we happened to be about 2 hours from each other, so we figured it'd be nice to see someone we're close to for a while. Of course there's some level of physical attraction there for me, as I'm attracted to most girls, but I don't/didn't want to have sex with her. Turns out we actually slept together that last night (as in, next to each other in the same bed), and perhaps got more intimate than either of us intended, but it never got to anything strictly sexual, and neither of us wanted it to. Just being near someone we were close to, for once in a long time, was enough. Sex never even crossed my mind.

Given that scenario, I'd say that yes, you can have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex without a desire for sex.

Originally Posted by lovetosing4678

Have you ever had a close friendship with an attractive person of the opposite sex where you had no desire to sleep or mess around with them?

I have several guy friends and I would very much like to believe that we are just friends and have no desire to do that but I keep finding out that they would want to have sex if possible. I, of course, do not want that. I want to just have male friends to hang out with. I had one friend tell me all he wanted to do was cuddle with someone but that was not acceptable typically for guys. Then another friend told me it was ridiculous to just want someone to cuddle and that someone always wants more. WHY?!

Alright, so although I'm having like mini mental breakdown with this question I'd still like to know the answer. Have you ever had a friendship with the opposite gender where neither side had any intention of having sex?

I have. I do agree though that there's a stereotype out there that "Men only have female friends who they haven't tried to sleep with YET."

Originally Posted by lovetosing4678

Have you ever had a close friendship with an attractive person of the opposite sex where you had no desire to sleep or mess around with them?

I have several guy friends and I would very much like to believe that we are just friends and have no desire to do that but I keep finding out that they would want to have sex if possible. I, of course, do not want that. I want to just have male friends to hang out with. I had one friend tell me all he wanted to do was cuddle with someone but that was not acceptable typically for guys. Then another friend told me it was ridiculous to just want someone to cuddle and that someone always wants more. WHY?!

Alright, so although I'm having like mini mental breakdown with this question I'd still like to know the answer. Have you ever had a friendship with the opposite gender where neither side had any intention of having sex?

Yes. But men are from mars. Cuddling makes things grow under the blanket and the other brain kicks in. Its just a martian thing ya gotta deal with sometimes.

They are still your friend, so don't get me wrong. You just have to wait until the blood goes back up to the top head. Both can't function at the same time.

I know it's in a different context, but I have lots of friends who are girls, that I don't want to be in a relationship with. Of course I've sort of trained myself to not even entertain the thought of getting emotionally attached to someone I know isn't in to girls. That just hurts WAY too much.

Originally Posted by lovetosing4678

Have you ever had a close friendship with an attractive person of the opposite sex where you had no desire to sleep or mess around with them?

I have several guy friends and I would very much like to believe that we are just friends and have no desire to do that but I keep finding out that they would want to have sex if possible. I, of course, do not want that. I want to just have male friends to hang out with. I had one friend tell me all he wanted to do was cuddle with someone but that was not acceptable typically for guys. Then another friend told me it was ridiculous to just want someone to cuddle and that someone always wants more. WHY?!

Alright, so although I'm having like mini mental breakdown with this question I'd still like to know the answer. Have you ever had a friendship with the opposite gender where neither side had any intention of having sex?

No.

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Originally Posted by StillBallin75

I have. I do agree though that there's a stereotype out there that "Men only have female friends who they haven't tried to sleep with YET."

I've never understood this. I seem to have a unique capacity for remaining friends with women after I've tried to sleep with them. Sometimes after trying many, many times.

Originally Posted by Viktyr Korimir

I've never understood this. I seem to have a unique capacity for remaining friends with women after I've tried to sleep with them. Sometimes after trying many, many times.

That says it all. Key word: unique.

Yes, they want to sleep with you. But they also want to be your friend.

Girls seem to see friends and somebody you would sleep with like categorically different. A person is either one or the other, but never both. So when they find out that someone they labelled as a "friend" wants to sleep with them, they think "that must mean he never thought of me as a friend!" But that makes zero sense. Seriously, think about it. How the hell does that make a lick of sense? It doesn't! But girls repeat that non-logic all the time...

Many of the same things that make me want to be friends with a girl also make me want to sleep with them and vice versa. If she's smart or interesting or funny or thoughtful, any of those things boost my interest both in being her friend and my interest in sleeping with her. In fact, I've probably found that the longer I'm friends with a girl and the closer friends we are, the more likely I am to want to sleep with them because you learn all kinds of new and endearing things about them through the friendship, you develop trust, you care about each other, etc. Those are all more reasons to want to sleep with somebody. Heck, really a close friend is a higher status than somebody I just want to sleep with! By the time you reach the point where I think you're cool enough to be friends with, you're deep into being cool enough for me to want to sleep with territory.

But none of that means they can't deal with being just friends. Guys deal with not being able to sleep with people they want to sleep with like 24/7. That's pretty much our main mode of existence. We are on the bus going somewhere and we're thinking "man, I'd like to sleep with that one, and that one, and that one.... And maybe even that one..." So it isn't some big huge deal to us to not be able to sleep with the chicks we're friends with. That's pretty much just normal life to us.

Now, an important distinction. If the guy is full on IN LOVE with you, that's a different deal. Then that is hard for a guy to bear being friends with a girl he is in love with. But probably 95% of the times your guy friends want to sleep with you, they aren't in love with you. You can tell the difference. Heck, if he's in love with you, he won't be able to not tell you that flat out.