Thread: Friendship with the Opposite Gender

I want to have male friends ... and not have the stress of any possible sexual or romantic pressure. I certainly think it is possible with mature people.

I do enjoy my male colleagues and the professional tone keeps that in check.

I just try to be natural and transparent in such interactions.

This is all new territory for me ... yet I would like to think mature people can just be friends.

Originally Posted by Dion

This is all new territory for me ... yet I would like to think mature people can just be friends.

Sure. When there's a reason to be. When you're both single, there's no reason to think it's off the table.

Originally Posted by Dion

I want to have male friends ... and not have the stress of any possible sexual or romantic pressure. I certainly think it is possible with mature people.

I do enjoy my male colleagues and the professional tone keeps that in check.

I just try to be natural and transparent in such interactions.

This is all new territory for me ... yet I would like to think mature people can just be friends.

If you're attractive and your male friends are heterosexual, regardless of anything they may say to the contrary (even if they are married), they will still want to have sex with you. Indeed, they will even hypothesize about having sex with you to each other when you're not around. This has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with innate, hardwired human instincts.

Originally Posted by Sig

If you're attractive and your male friends are heterosexual, regardless of anything they may say to the contrary (even if they are married), they will still want to have sex with you. This has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with innate, hardwired human instincts.

There's no way to prove this, one way or another. But if the man has trustworthy boundaries and respects his wife/SO, it'll never happen.

Originally Posted by Pinkie

There's no way to prove this, one way or another. But if the man has trustworthy boundaries and respects his wife/SO, it'll never happen.

The happily married man may never actually have sex with the attractive female friend, and never even attempt to, but he will most definitely fantasize about it.

Originally Posted by Sig

If you're attractive and your male friends are heterosexual, regardless of anything they may say to the contrary (even if they are married), they will still want to have sex with you.

This is simply true. It's a fact of life that women need to learn to accept.

Originally Posted by Sig

Indeed, they will even hypothesize about having sex with you to each other when you're not around.

This is not necessarily true. Gentlemen, albeit a dying breed, do not do this the same way that they do not brag about their sexual exploits. Gentlemen respect the privacy and dignity of women, especially women that they are themselves intimate with.

Being a gentleman has everything to do with maturity. You should try it some time; it's good for the self-esteem.

Originally Posted by lovetosing4678

Have you ever had a close friendship with an attractive person of the opposite sex where you had no desire to sleep or mess around with them? Have you ever had a friendship with the opposite gender where neither side had any intention of having sex?

Yes.

I have a good friend now, we've been friends for a little over four years, and though she is attractive, I've never wanted to sleep with her nor she with me even though she finds me attractive.

There are probably good reasons for this. We met when she was going through a difficult divorce when I was helpful and supportive, and I don't prey on people when they're hurting. After a time I recognized that we were not compatible as a couple with regard to psychological temperament, and I was looking for long-term. Also, though she had no upper age-limit, she's 15 years younger than I am, and she had a five year-old son. I saw her a bit like a daughter/younger sister at times.

That being said, we did hang out a lot one-on-one, doing different things when her ex had her son, and we talked a ton on the phone. She would often come over in the summer and swim and eat and do the hot-tub, as we both liked the water.

Did I enjoy seeing her in her bathing suit? Absolutely!

Did I want to have sex with her? No.

Our relationship was one of emotional closeness and similar inteligence, and we were both very friendly people. Our relationship was and remains one of good friendship.

She's now in a new romantic relationship and he gets most of her time now that I used to get (go figure ) .. and I miss spending time with her.

I believe it's possible to be close in heart with an attractive member of one's attracted-to gender without desiring sex with her, as this is the second time I've had such a great relationship.

The first time, though, I was hoping for romance fron the onset, but we soon discovered that our religious differences scuttled that. Nevertheless we became good friends, close at heart, and though I experienced her as attractive, I never wanted to sleep with her. We too remain great friends.

I feel lucky in this regard.

Originally Posted by Viktyr Korimir

This is not necessarily true. Gentlemen, albeit a dying breed, do not do this the same way that they do not brag about their sexual exploits. Gentlemen respect the privacy and dignity of women, especially women that they are themselves intimate with.

Being a gentleman has everything to do with maturity. You should try it some time; it's good for the self-esteem.

In the real world (with real friends), dudes will sooner or later get around to discussing their degree of wanting to have sex with any woman in their social circle who is attractive; unless, of course, she is in a relationship with one of said dudes; or one of said dudes is deeply infatuated with her, in which case he will most likely make every attempt to drop the subject whenever it arises in conversation.

Originally Posted by Pinkie

There's no way to prove this, one way or another. But if the man has trustworthy boundaries and respects his wife/SO, it'll never happen.

Last night at a Super Bowl party, a woman I work with slobbered on my neck. My wife wasn't there. I had no instinct to do anything other than peel her off and leave the party, because I love and respect my wife and that's a solid, ingrained, automatic response. But the woman is very attractive, so of course I couldn't help but imagine this and that on the drive home. It is impossible not to.

A couple of hours later, my wife was actually pretty appreciative of my getting a bit worked up.

I just hope the woman in question doesn't remember doing it. It'll be better for everyone that way.

Originally Posted by lovetosing4678

Have you ever had a close friendship with an attractive person of the opposite sex where you had no desire to sleep or mess around with them?

I have several guy friends and I would very much like to believe that we are just friends and have no desire to do that but I keep finding out that they would want to have sex if possible. I, of course, do not want that. I want to just have male friends to hang out with. I had one friend tell me all he wanted to do was cuddle with someone but that was not acceptable typically for guys. Then another friend told me it was ridiculous to just want someone to cuddle and that someone always wants more. WHY?!

Alright, so although I'm having like mini mental breakdown with this question I'd still like to know the answer. Have you ever had a friendship with the opposite gender where neither side had any intention of having sex?

No...the only purely "Platonic" relationships I've had with women are with women I'm not interested in at all. Now...I've had friendships with women that I've had every intention of being platonic which I was attracted to but it seems that it always ended up with a hookup eventually...usually after going out and being slightly trashed. (This was mainly in college). As of now most of my women friends are work friends and I generally don't hang out much with work friends out of work.