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Good point! Sadly, too many "feminists" condemn stay-home moms and women who opt to be "homemakers." You get it from both directions.Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker
In general, there are women and not just men who prefer old-school gender roles in a genteel manner. They can come under fire by feminists. Such as the man who opens doors for his date/significant other/wife - and she likes it, but some feminists will claim it is offensive anyway. My relationship is "old school" in most regards, which seems to be what she prefers. There is a balance that can exist. That also tends to involve divisions of power or who has the final say over what. In some ways, that is less complex than "equal say" because nothing would break a deadlock and if both sides have veto power then both don't get what each wants.
The question, though, then is of balance and fairness - despite Tigger hating the concept. Is the divisions of power fairly distributed and in relation to tasks and skills? It would be foolish for me to have the final say on young children. I cannot imagine anyone more skilled with little ones. But I probably would be far better with teenage boys. It would be nonsense for her to be the "defender" in terms of actual dangers as that is where I have skill. I'm fairly good a mechanical things and definitely the "heavy lifter." And on and on.
No deal is a good deal unless it is a good deal for everyone involved. Relationships are also that way.
There is a couple I know that goes to the very far extremely of traditional gender roles. She is proud to be a trophy wife and absolutely refuses do be or do anything outside that role. In turn, she devotes enormous efforts to be and remain the perfect trophy wife. The chances you could ever show her even the difference between a pliers and a wrench are exactly none. That's man's work in her opinion - and his. Yet her husband assumes the exactly counter-part roles. It works for them, though she comments that often feminists try to get on her case about it.
Probably the reason it works are 2. First, it is what they both want. Second, they are consistent in their roles. Thus each always knows where the other stands and what is correct conduct.
In short, some feminists want to define how people must behave just as some sexists do on their on perceptions of correct conduct.
Again, in real rather than just platitudes terms, the primary "problem" seems to come from contradictions or a person only pretending to like the role she (or he) is in. Is the woman in an old-school feminine role or a new-age we-are-identical role? Which one does she really want? If she wants both there is likely to be conflict because those are contradictions - meaning the change of mood needs to be clear stated and not just asserted to be understood. Is he supposed to "be the man?" Or is he to be "equally yoked?" Is he to be "masculine" in traditional ways or in touch with his "feminine side?" If both he and her are bouncing back and forth between different roles they are both on roller coasters that often are exactly inconsistent with each other.
Finally, it doesn't mean a damn what other people think. It is a mistake to ever try to meet the standards and measures of others in living your own life or your own relationships.
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