| Shocking new theory about the 9/11 attacks..
I know there is a lot of these floating around now days, but I think I may have finally figured out the truth. Its a bit long winded, but I feel its vital to include all the details in order to fully explain my theory. Please, bear with me.
The September 11th attacks were not carried out by Al-Qaeda. In fact, they weren't carried out by any terrorist group. This dastardly act was in fact carried out by a legitimate nation, with the leaders of that nation in full approval. They did it for economic gain, and for furthering their own agenda. What country would sink so low as to murder thousands of innocent people in a surprise attack on civilian buildings? I think you all know where I'm going with this: Japan.
To understand how this once friendly ally of ours would do such a thing to us, it is important to first understand why. The answer is video games. On that faithful day in September of 2001, Japan had a tight hold on the console hardware market worldwide. Sony, Sega, Nintendo (all Japanese companies) had only each other for competition. No matter which way the sales figures went for either of these three companies, the Japanese economy benefited.
This all changed when in late 1999 Bill Gates announced plans for Microsoft to enter the console market. This did not sit well with the Japanese. A corporation like Microsoft would be able to take the initial losses associated with releasing a new console and be able to invest enough to compete until it became profitable. Something the last American console, Atari's Jaguar, was unable to do when it died off in 1995. Adding insult to injury, Microsoft planned to release their new console, the Xbox, on November 15, 2001. This was a mere three days before Nintedo's new sixth-generation console, the Gamecube, was to be released in the in the US. Such a thing could seriously reduce the Gamecube's sale numbers. On top of all this, American software companies, and many Japanese ones, were lining up to design games for the Xbox. Many company executives in Japan feared that Americans would find the Xbox's black, VCR-like design far more favorable compared to the Gamecube's purple cube design with that ridiculous carrying handle on the back.
The hardware companies in Japan, took their concerns to Junichirō Koizumi, the Prime Minister of Japan. The Japanese Government agreed something needed to be done, and the spent the next year and a half formulating a plan.
A plan to throw the United States and her citizens into chaos, and hopefully delay the launch of the Xbox long enough for Nintendo's Gamecube to get a good head start, possibly even delaying the Xbox beyond Christmas, always a vital time for video game sales.
It was decided that the objective should be to launch a surprise attack using airplanes during morning hours. It had worked before after all. They would make it look like a terrorist attack by Islamic extremists by assuring that plenty of Arab men were on the planes. They sent out congratulatory letters to twenty preselected men of Middle Eastern nationalities telling them they had won a terrific prize that they would have to travel to receive, and included airline tickets that they must use to do so. The twenty unknowing patsies boarded three different flights on the morning of September 11, 2001. All believed they were on their way to the location of the dream home they had won in a contest none of them remembered entering. Unknown to them, or any of the other passengers, the pilots of all three planes had been replaced with sophisticated robots monitored from a forward observation post in the hills of West Virginia.
The World Trade Center and Pentagon were attacked as planned, but the fourth plane, United Airlines Flight 93, was supposed to target Microsoft's world headquarters. However, the robot piloting the plane got confused on its way to Washington state and suddenly turned around and plotted a course for Washington D.C. By the time the error was corrected, the plane didn't have enough fuel to reach its target. The observers shut down the robopilot and allowed Flight 93 to crash.
The conspirators were confident that they had covered their tracks wisely. Besides, President Bush was a big fan of Nintendo. According to my sources he was once quoted saying he could spend all night in front of his television "Makin' that Mexican-lookin' feller with the red overalls jump on them turtles". In the event the US government got wise to the situation, Japan could threaten Bush with a sanction on all Nintendo products, robbing him of Mario Sunshine.
Needless to say, the attack did not have the intended result. The attacks only brought the American people closer together, and the surge of patriotism may have even caused more US gamers to go with an American-made console as opposed to a foreign one. The Xbox was released on schedule and out sold the Gamecube in the United States. The US government went on believing the attack was carried out by Al-Qaeda, and Osama bin Laden had no qualms about taking the credit for such a well-executed and destructive attack.
So there it is, the truth. After nearly seven years of fear and uncertainty, we finally know what happened on that fateful day. Its just sad that the 9/11 Commission couldn't do in 2 years what took me only one night and 15 beers to do.
__________________
The only thing worse than a bad opinion is no opinion at all. | 
Linear Mode
Main
Extras
