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Thread: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

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    Unhappy The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller



    Bill Zeller was a talented programmer whose work we've featured on Lifehacker. He took his own life on Sunday and left an explanation that I think it's important you read.
    Zeller was a victim of sexual and psychological abuse. It's clear from his writing that the abuse left him unable to interface with the world in any way that didn't leave him feeling he was too sullied to have the same experiences that he thought others had. He had a self-described "darkness", which despite his prostration it's clear he handled more ably than perhaps he ever realized.
    READ HIS LETTER.....CONTINUED: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    For some reason I have formed a liquid substance around my eyeballs
    CORPORATE GREED AND UNION GREED
    DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS
    DESTROYING THE BEST OF AMERICA ONE DAY AT A TIME

    This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against ME! ~ Bender

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant Noodle View Post




    READ HIS LETTER.....CONTINUED: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    For some reason I have formed a liquid substance around my eyeballs
    What a tortured soul. It's very sad when someone is so completely overwhelmed by a tragic past. One wonders how some people are able to put it all behind them -- and others live it every single day.
    The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons
    Root cause.

    Talk about it people. Not talking ****s everything up, from marriages, to careers, to friendship, and apparently, your entire existence.

    *And by root cause, for the mentally slow, refers to root cause that was in his control. Obviously whoever raped him since childhood was the primary external cause, but he was neither in control of that, nor responsible for it.
    Last edited by Mach; 01-07-11 at 12:02 PM.

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    This is why sex offenders should be executed. The damage they do lasts forever.

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    Truly tragic. Its a shame he wasnt able to find an effective therapist. Very sad loss...

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    What really makes me sad is this part:

    The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me.
    This is a man who went through his entire life never truly knowing love, because when we really love someone, we love all of them, even their dark parts. What a tragedy.

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    Quote Originally Posted by The Giant Noodle View Post




    READ HIS LETTER.....CONTINUED: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    For some reason I have formed a liquid substance around my eyeballs
    oh my god. very, very sad.

    Originally Posted by johnny_rebson:

    These are the same liberals who forgot how Iraq attacked us on 9/11.


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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    Quote Originally Posted by Catz Part Deux View Post
    What really makes me sad is this part:



    This is a man who went through his entire life never truly knowing love, because when we really love someone, we love all of them, even their dark parts. What a tragedy.
    Thats the worst possible time and motivation to be in a relationship...to feel loved when you cant or dont feel it for yourself. Its a recipe for disaster...which only makes thigns feel more hopeless and helpless.

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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    Quote Originally Posted by VanceMack View Post
    Truly tragic. Its a shame he wasnt able to find an effective therapist. Very sad loss...
    As a victim of sexual abuse, stuff like this brings back pain.

    What he was unable to do, and I understand why, is to move beyond it. He was eaten up by the experience. He lacked an outlet to release "the darkness" (his words and they are appropriate) and move on.

    Some can, some can't. It's sad when someone is unable to find that outlet. You bottle it up, you get consumed. However, therapist never personally helped me. I found other ways. Sadly, he never could.
    Climate, changes. It takes a particularly uneducated population to buy into the idea that it's their fault climate is changing and further political solutions can fix it.



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    Re: The Agonizing Last Words of Programmer Bill Zeller

    This is so sad. May he rest in peace.
    Eat me, drink me, love me;
    Laura make much of me

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