While I can't tell you that your opinion is wrong, I can disagree with it, and I do.
My father worked two jobs while my mother stayed home, we were dressed from Goodwill, and were barely considered middle class. I appreciate the jobs both my parents had, and I adore both of them for how they raised me.
I would hope that your children would see the same.
Ok - snide quips and silly jokes aside ... all due honesty. I look back at my choices and see everything I did wrong which ultimately lead to the situation we're in. He joined the military long before we married - but when his opportunity came to slide out like he intended on, I ended up being a stay at home mother because I was too sick while pregnant to work. He had to re-up . . . and while I suffered from countless ailments and physical setbacks during pregnancy #3 and #4 - he felt he had no choice but to put in for promotion. He took a dicey position because it paid more, then busted his ass pulling overnight duty, oversea missions, drug raids, etc etc . . . all so I could fall apart, physically - and not work.
Stress and physical injury led to his heart, neurological, breathing and circulatory problems . . . we were supposed to have a long and happy life together and he has - what - ten years?
I'd give anything to give him his life back. . . I'd go back in time if I could and work, take care of the kids, and trump my way through my health issues at the same time if it would take any of it away. Then he won't have a spinal injury, cyclothymia and an executive disorder related to brain scarring from his tbi, panic attacks and night terrors. . .none of that existed before and would not have if he didn't re-up.
He was sucked into the pro-war sentiment. He was 'doing his part' for the family. The country 'needed him.' So on - so forth. We discussed it countless times, he was disillusioned with the idea that he would be seen as less of a man if he didn't stay in and huff it. Less of a man, imperfect, weak, inferior - all these things drove him to his decision. He was sucked into the testosterone machine like too many men are.
Sorry - but the hammed up, drum beating pro-war masculine side is a foul string of bull**** that only destroys what it claims to need and revere leaving a string of fatherless children and heartbroken families behind and nothing more.
These issue aren't just sexist and demeaning toward women - they're sexist and demeaning toward men . . . how can someone be a good parent if they're never home? But that's exactly what millions of military men are - gone . . . and many won't come back the same. My husband went from being able to play with the kids - to getting migraines when they play too loud. His interaction with them is null even when he is *home*
My worst fear: though he has all these issues I still hope he'll pull through - he's 45 . . . another 20 years would be above and beyond the Dr's opinions. I have hopes. . . but what will happen when he medically retires (finally) - that's what he's gone for right now, to ease out of hte military due to his health issues . . . what happens then?
The broken man who's only trudged through this **** life with his health issues - won't have a reason to trudge through anymore.
Post early retirement - my worst fear is he'll go to sleep and have no reason to wake up. Simply being a father isn't enough.
So: my husband's death VS me working a crappy job at Dollar General . . . I think the Dollar General **** job sounds like heaven, too bad employers don't see it the same way. Now that I've been a sahm for 10 years - things have shifted in the job market and I'll be damned if I can't even get a single job interview . . .the kids are all in school - and what am I doing?
Writing books about sex online and hacking away at college and a business plan - whoopie.
