I had serious thoughts of suicide when I was young and 1 half hearted attempt. Not as young as 8 but around 12-14.
I had a very controlling mother. Now I know that many children feel that their parent(s) can be unjust and over baring at times but my mother I believe was an extreme example. It affected every aspect of my life and not only when with my mother.
Just some examples of my life but not nearly all are:
I was not allowed to play with other kids. Now this did not include everyone. I was allowed to play with a cousin but he lived in another town so I may only see him once a week when my mother would visit my aunt. The rest of the time I was forced for the most part to play alone with no child/peer interaction.
I was not allowed to participate in any holiday function. I never received for example a Christmas present nor did we ever have a tree. Any school function that promoted holidays I was not allowed to participate in. Things as innocent as making hand turkeys for thanksgiving or Christmas carrols was not permitted. I was required to do other things instead. Sometimes I would be sent into the hallway at school to read while all the other children participated. I was sent into the hallway every morthing while the Pledge of Allegiance was said. This was due to my mothers religious beliefs but it had a deep affect on me socially. It completely alienated me.
The above issues combined had a large influence on how I was viewed by my peers and I was always the "odd ball" and at the bottom of the social chain. I was often bullied and ridiculed for being different. I dreaded every single day of school for fear of bullies. I was beat up a number of times.
My mother was still picking my cloths out at 14 years old and forced me to wear what she chose. I could not choose for myself (at 14 I left my mothers care).
I was forced to sit completely still and quiet for hours with no entertainment (sometimes as long as 6-8 hours), no toys, no tv/radio, nothing just me and the chair, even when young (5 years old). This wasn't a punishment, it was so that I didn't "bother" my mother because she wanted her "self time".
My mother was very selfish and stingy when it came to the kids. My father made upper middle class living. While (no exaggeration) my mother may go shopping and spend $300 (alot of money back then) a week on things we did not need often giving it away to family because we had no room for it (I believe mother was a shopping addict) I could ask for a $0.96 hot wheels car and would be denied because "we couldn't afford it". My father told me that my mother would tell him that she was jealous of her children and so they should have less. When I was a little older and understood what she was doing I felt unloved and unworthy of things.
As I got a little older I started questioning my mothers actions. I was sent into counseling for behavior problems. I was not a bad kid and I never got into trouble I was just old enough to understand my life wasn't a typical one. I spent many years in therapy and counseling going from one DR. to another. I later found out from my father the reason I was constantly being moved from one to another was because they were finding out that I was a pretty normal child and began to suspect my mothers antics. As soon as they confront her about these things she would pull me out of there care and place me somewhere else. My mother would tell me that I was so bad that they couldn't help me so we would have to try someone new.
My punishment could be severe for minor things. My mother liked to beat me with and extension cord for misbehavior.
Between hating home life because I was left alone and constant bullying and ridicule from schoolmates I felt worthless and unloved. Being young and dumb I felt life would always be this way. No body wanted me and I was a bad person.
Now you may be wondering where my father is with all of this. He worked 16-20 (yes that much) hours a day to give us good financial support. He largely did not see much of what was going on because he was never home. As a kid I assumed that my father knew and was part of it. I was ignorant and assumed parenting was a package deal and if one did it the other supported it and knew about it. When he did finally catch on to what home life and my mother was like he left her and I went with him. I believe this alone saved me.
Now reading this you may be thinking "that doesn't sound that bad" but these are just a few of an extensive list. Perhaps I was just an over impressionable kid, I don't know. Maybe I was really messed up, I don't believe it but I suppose its a possibility. All I know is I was miserable almost every second of my early childhood.
I haven't spoken to my mother in over 10 years. When I became an adult I tried to make amends but found she was unwilling to admit or show any remorse for anything. She still blamed me for her and father breaking up. I was still a big failure and she treated me as such. So I finally turned my back on her. I don't need her in my life.
It has had lasting affects. To this day I am still very anti social and the internet is my main source of socializing. I do not like to be physically around people but still crave interaction.
I can however understand the emotional pains and hopelessness that some children go threw. Not being experienced in life they may view it as I did and that is, life will always be that bad.
Gosh I hope all of this didn't come out as a whine. I just wanted to add to the discussion on lives that children end up with that can make them consider suicide.
It can be very frustrating when talking to the parent of a self destructive child and they demand you fix the child (usually within a week or two) and repair the damage they have been doing to the child their whole lives (yeah...no prob...I can un**** Jr in 6 weeks...and after we are done, who are they going to go live with? Cuz if they go right back into that home environment...well...). Meanwhile...the slightest suggestion that maybe in addition to working with Jr, mommy or daddy would benefit from some therapy as well is met with a snort of disdain. After all...its not the ADULT that has the problem. Well...maybe they did...once...but they are fine now.
Let us not turn this into a political spectacle.
We often tell our children to grow up...act like adults. Well...they are. More and more.
I have so many things to say to this...
I felt the same way as a child. My mother was horrible, neglectful, abusive..and she convinced me that my dad didn't care either. I felt trapped, ignored. I never seriously considered suicide (I don't think I got pushed far enough) but I would make plans to run away. I'd save up money and hide it until my mother would find it and steal it from me. I ended up retreating into books. I would read upwards of 8-10 hours a day during school days and even more on weekends. I was never without one.No body wanted me and I was a bad person.
It sounds terrible. I'm impressed that you're even close to normal, and that you had the strength to cut your mother off. Many would continue to seek approval or emotional responses from the abusive parent but you didn't fall into (or maybe stay in) that trap. I'm glad you were finally able to learn that your dad wasn't on board with your mother's behavior. I'm sorry it took so many years for that to happen.Now reading this you may be thinking "that doesn't sound that bad"
I totally get this. I live with my boyfriend and love him to death...but there are some days I wish I was the only one here...I wish I didn't have to interact face-to-face so I can just stay inside myself. It isn't as bad as it was before, and it continues to get better as time progresses.To this day I am still very anti social and the internet is my main source of socializing. I do not like to be physically around people but still crave interaction.
Our stories have a pretty similar basis. My mom was actually a pretty decent mother when I was very, very young, though. I can vaguely remember her and I having fun painting the shed door, or making collages on manila folders. But everything changed when I was about 4. After that it was 10 years of hell, basically. My dad left and failed to gain custody because of his living situation, and because Texas (at the time) always favored the mother in contested custody situations. My mother would constantly talk about how evil Dad was, and how he wanted to hurt us, how he hated us and wished we didn't exist. So I hate him, too. It got so bad with my mom that even though I thought my dad was wicked and hurtful, I decided it would be better with him than with her and I fled. Turns out, I was totally wrong, and my dad had been fighting for custody behind the scenes ever since the divorce. I gave my mother so many chances after that to "do right", to acknowledge her errors and to start fresh on building a relationship. I gave up about 3 years ago and haven't talked to her since. I've had to step up and take responsibility for her medical care during that time, and I had to see her at my grandmother's funeral, but I separate from my life as much as possible because she's poison.
Last edited by tessaesque; 05-28-11 at 09:45 AM.
"Hmmm...Can't decide if I want to watch "Four Houses" or give myself an Icy Hot pee hole enema..." - Blake Shelton
This is a such an unfortunate thing. We just don't have all the facts. Schools are overburdened these days. I have no doubt that warning signs are missed. Also, access to evaluation and counseling is likely not as available as it once was due to budget cuts at state and local levels. I cannot imagine the world that little girl lived in to make her present and future unlivable to her.
Bullying may be easy to identify but it is often difficult to stop. Some of the logical options would/could take the bullying to another levee.
Also there could have been other issues going on. My secretary's son has a number of things going on. He's been diagnosed Obsessive/Compulsive, ADD and bi-polar. He a good little 9 year old guy who struggles hard to be "normal." He takes a lot of drugs and drugs to counter the unwanted behaviors the other prescription drugs he takes. He wanted desperately to kill himself last month. With great, counselors, teachers in a special program, a most involved doctor they got him into a hospital for a week while they worked on his med combinations and counseled him.
I don't know the little guy well, but he does come to the office when he's been too difficult to stay in school for the day. That doesn't happen often. For all outward appearances he is just a little happy 9 year old.
It is a difficult world even for adults. The world is tougher than it used to be. I wouldn't want to grow up as a child today.
"When Faith preaches Hate, Blessed are the Doubters." - Amin Maalouf