Is life boring? Want to put a little pizazz into your dull daily routine? Well, stop pouting. You too can die in space. Yes, you will be dead, but you will have gone for the gusto, which, in Russian, is known as "Kroaknost".Just weeks before the first man shot into outer space in 1961, the Soviets launched a dress rehearsal with a duplicate of the space capsule carrying a cosmonaut mannequin and a live dog.
The Vostok 3KA-2 spacecraft — a twin of the Vostok 3KA-3 that later carried cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin — is being auctioned in New York on April 12, the 50th anniversary of the manned mission.
But how can I experience the ultimate rush, you ask? Good question. Just send a check or money order for $50,000.00 to:
I want to be a Russian Astronaut
Behind commode number 3
Ruins of the Soviet Academy of Sciences
Act now, and you will receive as a bonus a St. Christopher medal. Yes, you too can learn the futility of praying while burning up on reentry. This is an education you will never need to repeat.
But there's more. If you act within the next 48 hours, we will provide you with a cremation, absolutely free of charge. "But I am already going to be cremated when I take my Russian space ride" you exclaim. No problem. Just give the certificate to a friend, who can use it shortly after he celebrates his 100th birthday, drinking a toast to your absolute stupidity.
You get a Russian space capsule to die in, a St. Christopher medal to learn futility with, and even a free cremation for your laughing friend. What more could you ask for? Just call 1-800-TIME2DIE. That's 1-800-TIME2DIE. Operators are standing by, or maybe they are rolling on the floor laughing. You decide.
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