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Thread: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

  1. #11
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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    I think the father should be forced to pay a financial hefty restitution to the mother, who lost her children. I agree, it's a mistake to totally disrupt the kids at this point in time. They are practically adults and the deed has been done.

    We don't know the total ins and outs of the fathers side of this, frankly. It's a terrible thing that he did, most likely. But there have been cases when the courts have erroneously favored one parent, because of gender or finances, when in fact that parent is toxic. Some judges are morons with deep biases and prejudices.

  2. #12
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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    Many fictional books have been written on this subject.
    Recent bestsellers like Cavedweller by Dorothy Allison, and Deep End of the Ocean by Jacquelyn Mitchard, come to mind.
    In those stories, the kidnapped children are significantly younger than these children when returned to their mothers.
    Even so, massive adjustment problems ensue.

    One can only assume this scenario was common in the days before women had any real custodial rights, and in countries where they still don't.

    Personally, I don't think the State is going to be able to force 16 and 17-year-old individuals to do anything they don't want to do. A stranger does not become "family" because the law says so.

    Teenagers tend to lack the ability to empathize emotionally, especially with adults.
    When they're older, perhaps they'll understand that their mother was wronged and feel sorry for her, and seek out some kind of relationship with her.
    I think attempting to force a relationship, at this point, could only be detrimental.
    The teenagers no doubt feel that they are the victims here.
    She- this stranger- is the one who has created this massive upheaval in their lives; she's come into their lives uninvited, and turned them upside down. Their father is going to prison because of her, and they're probably going into foster care or some institution.

    I wouldn't be surprised if they hate her and wish she were dead.
    Their father most likely fed them a constant mythology about their horrible mother as they grew up. Perhaps he was an involved and caring parent, as well, other than his hatred for the mother of his children.

    For the mother's part, maybe she has acted vindictively in this whole process, not putting the interests of her kids first. It's a very emotionally charged and complicated situation.

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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    I cannot help but feel that if their roles were reversed, the court (and society in general) would be sympathetic to the mother, even if she'd broken the law.

    Every year, many women kidnap their children and get away with it, claiming the fathers were 'abusive" and the court wouldn't do anything about it and "Oh God, I have to protect my babies!"

    I'm not saying they don't have a legitimate point in some cases; just that even if they didn't, they could easily say that, and nearly everyone would automatically believe them/ sympathize.

    Since it's a father who withheld his children from their mother, he's automatically assumed to be evil and everyone's calling for his head on a platter.
    Maybe, like all these moms who kidnap their children, go underground, and change their names, he was only trying to protect his children from what he perceived to be an abusive situation.

    We don't know the details, is what I'm saying.
    But I feel like if he'd been a woman, and done the exact same thing, we'd be making certain assumptions here, ie that he was probably justified in what he did, and should not be punished.

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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    The father could keep this in the courts until the kids are 18. Then he should do his time, I'd say 15 years is appropriate.

    The kids and the mother are victims here. The kids don't want to have their social world turned upside down. I imagine that is one reason why they don't want to move.

    I can't imagine what a parent who lost contact with their children through no fault of their own would go through for 15 years.
    Quote Originally Posted by faithful_servant View Post
    Being a psychiatric patient does not mean that you are mentally ill.



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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    I cannot help but feel that if their roles were reversed, the court (and society in general) would be sympathetic to the mother, even if she'd broken the law.

    Every year, many women kidnap their children and get away with it, claiming the fathers were 'abusive" and the court wouldn't do anything about it and "Oh God, I have to protect my babies!"

    I'm not saying they don't have a legitimate point in some cases; just that even if they didn't, they could easily say that, and nearly everyone would automatically believe them/ sympathize.

    Since it's a father who withheld his children from their mother, he's automatically assumed to be evil and everyone's calling for his head on a platter.
    Maybe, like all these moms who kidnap their children, go underground, and change their names, he was only trying to protect his children from what he perceived to be an abusive situation.

    We don't know the details, is what I'm saying.
    But I feel like if he'd been a woman, and done the exact same thing, we'd be making certain assumptions here, ie that he was probably justified in what he did, and should not be punished.
    The parent should have proven the other one unfit in a court of law.
    Quote Originally Posted by faithful_servant View Post
    Being a psychiatric patient does not mean that you are mentally ill.



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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    That's right 1069. For all we know, this woman was neglecting her kids while she carried on with the UPS man, leaving them in soiled diapers in front of the TV, while her husband was at work. There are two sides to every story. Sometimes parents feel desperate and take off when the courts have failed them, and their children.

    Not all women are saintly models of motherhood.

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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    Double post...
    Last edited by MyOwnDrum; 06-06-10 at 01:12 PM.

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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    Quote Originally Posted by independent_thinker2002 View Post
    The parent should have proven the other one unfit in a court of law.
    That can be a very expensive and time-consuming process. Sometimes one parent has better financial resources and the other is at a terrible disadvantage.

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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    It just seems like a double standard to me.
    We seem to give mothers the benefit of the doubt in this society, and be quick to vilify fathers for the same actions.
    We seem to feel it's a mother's right (and duty) to protect her children at all costs, even if it means breaking and/or disregarding the law in order to do so.
    We do not seem to feel the same way about fathers.
    As the child of a male single parent, it bothers me.

    Why are mothers assumed to be above the law when it comes to assuring the well-being of their children, and fathers aren't?

    All parents should get the benefit of the doubt in these cases- that they acted in good faith, for the best interest of their children, and therefore should not be punished- or else none should.

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    Re: Mom finds missing children using Facebook

    Quote Originally Posted by MyOwnDrum View Post
    That can be a very expensive and time-consuming process. Sometimes one parent has better financial resources and the other is at a terrible disadvantage.
    I don't know about other states, but my state has a program for people who can't afford legal services to still obtain legal services for stuff like this.
    Quote Originally Posted by faithful_servant View Post
    Being a psychiatric patient does not mean that you are mentally ill.



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