Gestures, in love, are incomparably more attractive, effective and valuable than words.
~ Francois Rabelais
I don't think I would physically discipline my children except in extreme circumstances where they have really let me down or have done something horrible. I used to be against physical punishment, but after having lived in China which is full of little emperors and brats, I think a lot of children need to experience getting smacked in the mouth for their stupidity.
It seems a common assumption that spanking is necessary and justified because children need structure and discipline in their lives. As if spanking is the only form of punishment/discipline that exists. Absolutely children need to be disciplined when they do wrong. If they aren't disciplined and taught right from wrong, then they become those little monsters we've all seen in Wal Mart who people say need a good smack or two. Actually when all is said and done what they really need is discipline. Spanking is just one of many ways to accomplish that.
From what I've observed, if people have and maintain the respect of their child, then usually all that's necessary when they do wrong is a display of disapproval. So instead of their behavior being influenced by not wanting to get spanked, it's influenced by not wanting to disappoint mom and dad. Done properly and the disappointment motive can be just as strong as spanking. I've seen kids moved to tears after being told by their parents how disappointing their behavior is/was. No yelling, no throwing stuff, just a simple "Oh <name> I am so disappointed in you." But the key is to keep their respect. Just like spanking, if it's used too often, and/or in situations where it's not really fair, it loses its effectiveness. If the child stops respecting the parents' approval, then the parent has lost control of the situation.
Last edited by Binary_Digit; 08-01-09 at 03:24 PM.
Most of the children I know who were physically disciplined by loving parents who did so in a controlled and appropriate manner, grew up to be productive, sensible, lawful adults.
OTOH, some of the worst nuts, bums and criminals I've ever known were not spanked as a child.
Thanks, I'll stick with the old ways.
Fiddling While Rome Burns
Carthago Delenda Est
"I used to roll the dice; see the fear in my enemies' eyes... listen as the crowd would sing, 'now the old king is dead, Long Live the King.'.."
I only swat my kids to get their attention and it is not the actual punishment that will be delivered. I only have to swat them on a rare occasion on top of that.
Standing in the corner for a while usually does the trick for me.
My kids have the best manners and respect I have seen out of all the other children I have come in contact with. We can go into a toy store and come out with nothing and I have no problems with them.
I was discovering that life just simply isn't fair and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.