That's right. Step right up, folks. Want a Master of Science degree? Just repeat after me:
"Jesus rode a dinosaur".
There ya' go. One MS degree from the God is Science, and Scientists are Witches University. While you are at it, here are some Master's theses you can cut and paste to get that MS degree you have been longing for.
1) Botanical classification of plants in The Garden of Eden.
2) The Great Flood of 6,000 BC, and how it changed patterns of migration.
3) The Plagues of Egypt - A condensed history of Jewish practical jokes.
4) A practical HOWTO - Make the sun stand still, and amaze your friends.
5) Turning water into wine - Alchemy 101.
6) Techniques of Raising the dead - From Jesus to Dr. Frankenstein.
7) Practical Hypnosis - Making 10,000 people believe that one fish can satiate all their appetites at once.
8) How to Track the Sun's Position as it Revolves Around the Earth.
9) Cain's Wife - How a second creation was pulled off just one county away from Adam's creation.
10) Biblical math - Why 1+1 = 3 (Or any other number you care to choose).
That's right, folks. You can be an egghead too. Just put all your money (don't hold back any, or a bolt of lightning will strike you dead) in a brown envelope or a brown paper bag, and send it to:
I Wanna Be a Scientist too
Behind the Third Seat from the Left
Church of the Almighty Dollar
666 Hypocrites Way
Send us your money now, and we will include, at no extra charge, a portrait of Jesus, painted how we would like to see him - White, with blond hair (not nappy) and blue eyes. It's a $995.00 value, and it's yours for free, if you act now. Yes, folks, yesterday you couldn't spell scientist, and today you is one. Just send in that money. Do it now, or forever fry in hell. In Jesus' name, this I do affirm. Amen.
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