Why did we ever have to waterboard people when there was a much better method of torture available - Barney the Dinosaur? Musicians may be protesting the use of Barney to torture our enemies, but at least, it is legal, and damn, is it ever effective.
Barney is definitely torture. I can't stand him. Play Barney music to me, and I will confess ANYTHING. Yes, I am whatever you say I am. I am a wanker. I am an asshole. I am a ham and cheese sandwich on rye. I confess. Just PLEASE turn off the Barney music.
Want to know how much I hate Barney? Years ago, I used to play Doom, and at the time, there was a patch called Barney Doom, that was probably written by someone who, as a child, was tortured by Barney's singing. After you applied the patch, the pink monster turned into Barney singing "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family", at which point, you could kill him with the chainsaw, while laughing like a maniac. Needless to say, I used the Barney Doom patch in the game. It was my favorite patch.
Want to win the war on terror? Enlist Barney, but you had better hurry and utilize him quickly before the United Nations makes it an international crime. On the other hand, maybe we should stick with waterboarding, so we don't look like crazy evil people to the rest of the world.
Below - Picture of an International evil torturer, posing for Adolph Hitler, just before joining the band "Air Supply".
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