I will grant that sometimes the other person will escalate all by themselves... but again studies show this is the female almost as often as the male.
That would be nice. Many men, realizing they are in danger of losing control, will attempt to leave. However, it is so EXTREMELY common that the female attempts to prevent the male from leaving or reacts to his attempts to leave by escalating the violence that it is practically a SCRIPT for how these things get out of hand.The woman is just as responsible for controlling herself but if she loses it a man needs to be able to just leave.
Try this link.... Domestic Violence Against Men
I had a man throw me against a wall and shove me into a shower and my response was to quietly walk to the phone and call the police. I tried to calm him down and he wouldn't have it. My only recourse was to call the police because he couldn't stop himself. He was very jealous and felt threatened when there was no need.
I'm sorry you experienced that. My ex-wife once assaulted me with small metal object because I declined to turn the dryer back on for her upon her third such request (I'd done it the first two times). Later on she attempted to kill me for having the audacity to confront her about an affair I'd just discovered.
Mean ass crazy knows no gender bounds.
I don't doubt this. If a man can stop her without loosing control and really hurting her he certainly has a right too. I would say using your physical strength beyond what was required to remove her as a threat. Meaning, taking her weapon
This is a common fallacy, and often used to SHAME men into suffering abuse in silence... 'well what's the matter, can't you CONTROL that little woman without hurting her?? Are you a man or a mouse?"
As I mentioned, I have been the victim of female domestic abuse. I was a Deputy Sheriff, almost 6' tall, 230 lbs, black belts in two martial arts. She was 5'6 and under 100 lbs. I had been raised that a man must never EVER raise hands to a woman. This resulted in several episodes of abuse where I stood dumbfounded as to what to do.
Later I attempted to take careful, self-controlled action as you advised... and discovered that it just made things worse. If I pinned her and held her down to keep her from hitting me, she'd just get madder and madder and when I let her up she would renew her assault on me even more viciously, escalating to blunt objects and/or threats of using a knife on me while I slept. A couple of times while doing this I realized I'd left grip-marks on her arms... and that alone could have sent me to jail for CDV, even though it was actually defensive action that caused it. Lovely huh?
Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Fortunately I kept my self-control... but after a year of this kind of abuse (and hell I haven't even told you the half of it) and treatment I'd had it. I obtained evidence of her assaultive behavior, had her arrested despite the responding officer looking at me as if I was some particularly disgusting specimen of slug for 'not being able to control yer wummun', had her prosecuted despite half the courtroom laughing at me, and as a result got to keep my property and my son and made my divorce.
I think she still has no idea that it is only by the grace of God that I kept it together and didn't beat her into a bloody pulp on any of dozens of occasions.