Very interesting case--Maryland, maybe--of a firefighter who underwent the surgery and then had to sue when her department vehicle was taken from her--meaning that she lost overtime pay--and also her office. One of the folks she sued had been the best man at his wedding ten years before. (This is sooo complicated.) Thought most of the case had merit, but one of her complaints was use of the pronoun "he" when she is now a "she."
That's asking too much, I think--to expect people you've worked with for a decade to not slip up and use the wrong pronoun.
Anyway, re the SEAL, while I can't imagine what it cost him to make this decision, I think what we can all do, at least as a matter of respect, is work on the pronouns.