High school teacher tells graduating students: you’re not special

coming from a parent, that address would be cold
but from a stranger who is charged with telling them something the new graduates need to hear
kudos

Erod said:

Bravo!

In this "Everybody gets a trophy" and "don't keep score" society we've been racing children in - many of which are now parents themselves - this is refreshing to hear in of all places...Massachusetts.

I'm sure being the son of David McCullough allowed this teacher the assuredness that he could get away with such a commencement message, but it is refreshing nonetheless. And I have no doubt it shocked a kid or two into reality, and sent their helicopter parents into a tizzy.

Now, can we get this guy to talk at the Democratic National Convention to tell their entitlement-addicted constituents to grow up to?

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Ya know, I'm a different kind of 1% er. My kids actually have to earn money by doing tough work in the yard, or in the house helping Mom. Of course I grew up with practically nothing, and earned my way into the group, so I suppose I'm not your typical liberal idea of a 1%er. I reinforce with my kids (three boys one girl) everyday at least once that nothing in this world is free, to question everything they hear and trust your instincts about practically everything you'll face in life. I tell them to not be afraid to question the accuracy of information that is taught to them, and if any teacher diciplines you for nothing more than giving your opinion when asked for, then I'll deal with them in the adult world. I tell them to not worry about bullies that going through at least some level of bullying is part of life, and makes you stronger and that you'll have the last laugh anyway as these people generally are popular for a while in school, but end up with nothing as everyone around them matures and all their "friends" that once were will be no longer. I tell them that fighting with words is a far better way to achieve your goals, BUT every once in a while you'll need to fight with your hands for the things that really matter to you most. I tell them that nothing in this world is more important than family, and that staying close to each other is a recipe for a happy well rounded life.

Anyway off on a tangent, but essentially the OP gave the right message!

My favorite most annoyingly used word with my kids is "TOUGH", deal with it, whatever "it" may be. I don't do whine, go tell someone that is more willing to coddle you. Of course I'm not completely insensitive on real important issues that they have, but as all us parents know, how often is your childs whining a matter that needs your attention?? Not very.. All of my children except my youngest boy (Age 2 1/2) can iron their own clothes, do their own laundry, cook simple meals, even sew their own clothes. I'm fair with my kids, and they always know that if they don't agree with a decision I or Mom have made that they can reverse our decision if they bring a well thought out argument as to why we might be wrong. I've changed my mind and so has Mom many times because our kids have argued well. Even though we might not agree with them, the effort and thought ut into the exercise was worth a little leeway..

Anyway that's my parental philosophy in a nutshell, and it seems to be working so far.

Summed up, I give my kids what they need, NOT what they want. If they want something, they'll have to earn it.


Tim-

In principle, I agree with the High School teacher, his words are necessary to give the students a sense of reality.

In today's politically correct world children are given an abnormal amount of attention, and there is a very real danger that when they face the world they will find it is aggressive, ruthless,competitive and most importantly - horror of horrors nobody is going to pamper them at all.

I agree with what has already been said - most children are coddled too much, and that's why kids are 30 and still living at home. I had it rough when I was a kid. We didn't have anything. I didn't have new clothes practically my entire childhood. I started getting new clothes when I got a job and bought my own. It made me understand that if I want something, I have to work to get it.

While I do spend a little money on my children, I do so because I want them to have it better than I did. I bought my daughter a pair of Nikes the other day that cost more than my mother ever spent on me in 4 years. But I can do more for her, so I do. Do I let her sit around and do nothing? Nope. She has chores and they are done properly. Her homework is done when she gets home. If she starts screwing up in school, she gets her priviliges pulled. If she were old enough, I'd have her get a job, so long as it didn't interfere with her grades, so she could understand about buying things on your own, with money you earned. She wants a better phone, she wants to keep her nails done, she wants expensive clothes, she wants internet on her phone, etc. She'll get all that when she gets a job.

I just don't understand kids who don't want to work and get a job. It's all I wanted to do. Get a job, get a car, get an apartment. Kids now want to live at home indefinitely, sponge off of Mom and Dad for money to go to the mall, and then borrow their car to take them there.

Superfly said:

I just don't understand kids who don't want to work and get a job. It's all I wanted to do. Get a job, get a car, get an apartment. Kids now want to live at home indefinitely, sponge off of Mom and Dad for money to go to the mall, and then borrow their car to take them there.

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It's because you and I had to get a job, if we wanted things and wanted independence. In my parents' home, it was "my house, my rules". When I raised my children, the rule was "my house, my rules". Nowadays, many parents don't have the stomach to push the fledglings from the nest and watch them soar". Fortunately, I had parents who taught me to fly, and in fact, made me desire to soar.

This sounds like the first speech I received in boot camp from. The Drill Sargent was more succinct, "your momma may love you and think you are wonderful but we don't". I liked his speech, I do not know what effect it had other than some entertaining shock value. No matter what he or anyone says at a commencement the world is going to make adults out of most of these people. Life happens and growing from it follows, hopefully.

It seems that every generation is viewed as soft by the previous generations. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to because the previous generation is supposed to prepare the next for life; as Ronald Reagan said, "Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation".

Connery said:

This sounds like the first speech I received in boot camp from. The Drill Sargent was more succinct, "your momma may love you and think you are wonderful but we don't". I liked his speech, I do not know what effect it had other than some entertaining shock value. No matter what he or anyone says at a commencement the world is going to make adults out of most of these people. Life happens and growing from it follows, hopefully.

It seems that every generation is viewed as soft by the previous generations. Maybe that is the way it is supposed to because the previous generation is supposed to prepare the next for life; as Ronald Reagan said, "Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation".

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I like your comment here. The Reagan quote is true, you always hope your next generation goes farther.

Do believe there is a natural tendency to want your children to have it better than you. I know I probably have spoiled my kids some as my own childhood was laden with a couple tradegies and want them to have better.

The one thing I disagree with this thread is the typical generalization of a segment of the population. Unless you have met and talked with every youth I think it is narrow minded to think all can be considered leeches. I have seen even members of The Greatest Generation who were some of the most self absorbed , selfish people you could imagine but they are a minority.

IMO, the folks that lived through the Great Depression and fought in WWII didn't have anyone tell them they were "special" and yet they were the toughest and greatest.

These kids will do okay.

:shrug: If my generation's ****ed, the blame is squarely on the shoulders of the previous generation.

spud_meister said:

:shrug: If my generation's ****ed, the blame is squarely on the shoulders of the previous generation.

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That's another thing with kids - no personal responsibility at all.

Well, I'm special, Dammit.


and I have needs!

spud_meister said:

:shrug: If my generation's ****ed, the blame is squarely on the shoulders of the previous generation.

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Whew!

Looks like mine is off the hook.

I taught my first graders this when we had our first homework game where they could win a prize from the treasure box. A team of 4 kids won and they all chose a toy from the treasure box. There were probably 3 other (losing teams) kids who said, "Miss ****. Can we have one too?" with puppy dog eyes. We then had a great discussion about winning and losing. We talked about being a gracious winner and not a sore loser. If everyone got a prize, why even have a competition to be the best?

Superfly said:

That's another thing with kids - no personal responsibility at all.

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Well, to be fair, most CHILDREN are not that responsible for where they are in life. LOL

Superfly said:

That's another thing with kids - no personal responsibility at all.

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Because no-one taught us to be. Our parents would obligingly fix any mistakes we made.

ThePlayDrive said:

Well, to be fair, most CHILDREN are not that responsible for where they are in life. LOL

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So you are calling Spud a child? Because he's blaming his station on his parents, for the most part. A child isn't responsible, but when they become adults, they have to start accepting some responsibility. Not everything is the fault of the parent - eventually the child becomes an adult, and is able to start correcting any mistakes his parents may have made. A 30 year old man with no house and no car isn't the fault of the parents, unless the parents continue to enable him.

spud_meister said:

Because no-one taught us to be. Our parents would obligingly fix any mistakes we made.

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And when you are 40, and still have nothing, are you going to continually blame your parents? At what point do you start accepting personal responsibility? Is there a magic age?

Superfly said:

So you are calling Spud a child? Because he's blaming his station on his parents, for the most part. A child isn't responsible, but when they become adults, they have to start accepting some responsibility. Not everything is the fault of the parent - eventually the child becomes an adult, and is able to start correcting any mistakes his parents may have made. A 30 year old man with no house and no car isn't the fault of the parents, unless the parents continue to enable him.

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No, I'm using your word "kids" which is used to refer to children. Kids aka children are not responsible for themselves in any meaningful way. If you are referring to spud accurately under the presumption that he is responsible for himself, then perhaps you should have called him a man.

ThePlayDrive said:

Kids aka children are not responsible for themselves in any meaningful way.

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Oh, I disagree. I expect my first graders to be responsible for their own behavior, bathroom habits, shoe-tying, keeping their desks clean, being kind to others, doing their homework, etc. Those are "meaningful" to children because school is their "job". If they aren't responsible children, then they're going to get into trouble, get bad grades, lose important papers.... Of course children should be taught those things by responsible adults (preferably parents, but in extreme situations - teachers or other adults). I always tell my students that they're in charge of how they act. They need to learn personal responsibility at a young age so they don't grow up to be weenie, selfish and undisciplined.

Crosscheck said:

I like your comment here. The Reagan quote is true, you always hope your next generation goes farther.

Do believe there is a natural tendency to want your children to have it better than you. I know I probably have spoiled my kids some as my own childhood was laden with a couple tradegies and want them to have better.

The one thing I disagree with this thread is the typical generalization of a segment of the population. Unless you have met and talked with every youth I think it is narrow minded to think all can be considered leeches. I have seen even members of The Greatest Generation who were some of the most self absorbed , selfish people you could imagine but they are a minority.

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Thank you... I agree with wanting for them better than you had. There is a bit of a balancing act involved with providing better for mine than what I had. My main goal is to teach them to be responsible and never need for others to do for them. No matter a person's familial background, social standing, financial position or education there is nothing worse than choosing a marriage partner based on need; the person never grows, the relationship can be rife with resentment and finally resembles a business arrangement.

Gonzo Rodeo said:

Those children just became adults. If they don't get off their butts and become productive, contributing members of society, they will literally be worthless, wasted nuisances.

Also, your children are a nuisance to me. They compete with my children for resources. That's called "life."

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Really? That's how you view "life"? Wow...

I'll remember that when you are driving on a road someone else's child built for your child. I hardly subscribe to the theory that life is a non-stop competition therefore tearing down your neighbor is preferred to helping your neighbor.

Erod said:

I could not disagree more.

I tell my kids this: "Your mom and I love you. So do your grandparents and sisters and a few of your close friends. We feel and share in your pain and your joy.

"But the rest of the world really doesn't care if you live or die. Your failures only clear the path for their successes. And think about it, we HAVE to be like that to a degree. Imagine how difficult life would be if we carried every tragedy with us all day and every day indefinitely? How could we get through the day knowing what happened in Sudan yesterday or at Auschitz half a century ago? People die and have horrible things happen to them every day. We have the instinctive capacity to press on and worry most about ourselves. It's necessary for survival.

"And people certainly won't worry about your petty complaints. They'll fake sympathy, then forget about it altogether within seconds of walking away, just like you would. And if you drop the ball, someone will gladly step in and take your place. That's just the way people and life are. That's how we have to be to survive."

I hope that doesn't sound cold, but it's absolutely the truth. It's just in our DNA.

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It's not nature (in our DNA), it's the nurture that you observed while you were growing up in a capitalist society. Capitalism makes us all competitors. People in Communist countries don't even understand our dog eat dog-ness. They don't play like that.

Mickey Shane said:

It's not nature (in our DNA), it's the nurture that you observed while you were growing up in a capitalist society. Capitalism makes us all competitors. People in Communist countries don't even understand our dog eat dog-ness. They don't play like that.

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Nature itself makes us all competitors.

You know - after *watching* the guy's speech I now get what he was going after; reading his words without his tone, inflection and body language really made it seem angry and sour. But it didn't strike me as being that after I saw him say all of that.

poweRob said:

Really? That's how you view "life"? Wow...

I'll remember that when you are driving on a road someone else's child built for your child. I hardly subscribe to the theory that life is a non-stop competition therefore tearing down your neighbor is preferred to helping your neighbor.

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Wait a minute here....Liberals don't get to lecture about helping ones neighbor when their vision of this is not directly helping with their own resource, but rather taking from another to give to that neighbor.

Remember, socialism is for the people, never the socialist.


j-mac