President 'punked' press, public with Iraq gag
President Bush today responded to a new report investigating the bogus pre-war intelligence scam that led to war in Iraq by admitting that the whole thing was nothing more than a big prank.
"Gotcha. Heh-heh," Bush said to a slack-jawed pack of media jackals assembled for the April 1 press conference. "You been punk'd. Heh-heh."
"The whole weapons of mass destruction thing, the stuff about Saddam being linked to al Qaeda… I mean we even had FOX News telling people Iraq had to pay for Sept. 11. It was classic," said Bush, barely able to control his glee.
"And I couldn't have done it without all you guys," Bush told the assembled media. "It was Rummy's idea but everybody was in on it Condi, Wolfie, Cheney, the whole gang. Special thanks to the White House press corps. Everybody except that Colin Powell guy, of course. We punk'd him too."
"Uranium yellowcake, aluminum tubes; that was Condi. And when George Tenet came up with that 'Slam dunk' bit, I swear I thought Cheney was gonna have an aneurysm," Bush snickered. "I've gotta take credit for 'Mission Accomplished' though. You had to love me in that flightsuit, right?"
The president said he almost blew the gag just over a year ago on March 26 when he did a standup routine at the Radio & Television Correspondents Association annual dinner. "Those weapons of mass destruction must be here somewhere," the commander-in-cheek said at the time, while showing a photograph of him looking under a desk.
Despite some good-natured cajoling from the press, Bush said the nation will have to wait until April 1, 2006, to learn the punchline of his Social Security reform prank.
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