Pro-life parents, what would you do if your daughter or sons' gf...

Pro-life parents, what would you do if your daughter or sons' girlfriend got pregnant and decided to have an abortion? Recently I was given huge amount of dissing because I use excessive emotional manipulation to dissuade my children from creating un-planned children. How dare I force my children into making choices that suit my values.

Since pro-lifers are typically considered the more pushy regarding their POV, I'm wondering how supportive you'd be of your teenagers being involved in voluntary choice to abortion of a fetus they created? No one's health is in danger, it isn't from rape or incest, there's no evidence of fetal difficulty/DS/et al.

If one of my sons got a girl pregnant, I would hope she'd get an abortion. I would help pay for it. I'd pay for the whole thing, if I had to. I'd drive her there, I'd pick her up afterward, I'd let her recuperate at my house. Whatever was necessary. Hopefully, her mom would do all this; if not, I would. Even if her mom was onboard and wanted to do the whole thing herself, I'd still offer to help pay.
If my sons made a peep about it, I'd tell them to shut the **** up. Both still live at home; neither makes enough to support himself, let alone a family.

On the other hand, if the girl decided to keep it, I guess I would offer to babysit occasionally.

Under no circumstances would I encourage the boys to marry. Neither is mature enough. They are not self-supporting. Both are still kids, basically, emotionally speaking.


There is one thing I would not do, and that's raise the kid.
I would see it go to the State first. I'd send it there myself, if I felt it wasn't being properly cared for by my son and his girlfriend.
Me, though... I'm done raising kids. I do not intend to raise my grandchildren.
Not even temporarily. I don't have enough money to contribute regularly to the support of another family besides my own. I don't have enough room in my apartment for a whole other family to live here too.
If an untimely pregnancy arose, I would have to be very, very clear on this issue: what help I'm willing and able to give, and what help they are absolutely under no circumstances to expect from me.

It's not a joke. I'm not going to "fall in love" with my grandchild when I see him/ her, and change my mind. I'm very serious. My kids and I come first, and by the time they have their own kids, I hope they feel the same way about them. Because I'm not going to. It's my kids and I first. Not "Me, my kids, and my grandkids".
There's not enough to go 'round. I'm only one person.
I would encourage my sons and any girls they might ever happen to impregnate not to go forward with it if they're not prepared to commit their lives to their children (unless the girl's mother just happens to want an extra kid). Because I'm not willing to.

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

Did You Even Read The Question Waste Of Space?

Deej said:

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

Did You Even Read The Question Waste Of Space?

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Pro-life parents, what would you do if your daughter or sons' girlfriend got pregnant and decided to have an abortion?

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Okay. I'd cheer. I'd run out to bath and bodyworks and buy her an expensive gift basket as a post-abortion pick-me-up.

If, on the other hand, she decided not to have an abortion, I'd do as outlined above.

As a family, we discuss such things--we've talked about the potential consequences of sex. I have older boys, and they too are pro-life, but not out of coercive manipulation, out of a values structure that my husband and I have raised them with. If they got themselves into a situation where a girlfriend got pregnant, they know that certainly wouldn't change the way I feel about them, and they know that though I'd be really concerned for them and their future, I would ultimately be there to support and help them as I could, to the extent that would be healthy for them and their girlfriend and child.

However--being that they are boys--ultimately, they have no say if the girl decided to get an abortion. She could kill my son's child--my grandchild--without our agreeing to anything. I would want to talk to her before she made such a choice and offer my support for the choice of life--and yes, I would even offer to take the child in and help my son raise him or her. Still--fathers and grandparents have no say in the matter. IMO--that's no "choice" at all.

If my daughter did it, I would be very upset, but I would still love her and keep her near and pray for her and be there for her. IMO it would my job to help her spiritually heal from the experience. I know that many here deny there is any emotional hole created by killing one's own offspring, but I do not believe that. I believe elaborate defenses have been constructed in order to shield themselves from the reality of their actions. Since my children do not live under that fabricated armor, a daughter of mine that got an abortion would need my love and support, and she would have it.

Felicity said:

If my daughter did it, I would be very upset, but I would still love her and keep her near and pray for her and be there for her. IMO it would my job to help her spiritually heal from the experience. I know that many here deny there is any emotional hole created by killing one's own offspring, but I do not believe that. I believe elaborate defenses have been constructed in order to shield themselves from the reality of their actions. Since my children do not live under that fabricated armor, a daughter of mine that got an abortion would need my love and support, and she would have it.

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And what if that same girl told you vehemently that she had no guilt, no remorse, and to back the f up? Would you honor it? Would you quit your constant harping?

First off, that's an unfortunate place to put an apostrophe in the title. I would hope that my sons wouldn't share a girlfriend and get their own.

I'm not pro-life, but I'm not really pro-choice. I think I would be initially quite disappointed that they got themselves in that situation to begin with. I'd also hope that we could discuss the situation together before going through with it.

Summerwind said:

And what if that same girl told you vehemently that she had no guilt, no remorse, and to back the f up? Would you honor it? Would you quit your constant harping?

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I'd probably slap her across the face if she talked to me like that. Then I'd show her the door. No harping--no "honoring" her either. My position on the matter is no secret mind you. If she was there to talk to me about the issue, I'd offer what I could and that would be that. I am aware that I have no "choice" in the matter.


EDIT--OH you mean if my daughter did that! I'd probably slap her across the face if she talked to me like that, also. What followed would depend on her age. I don't have a problem with "tough love"--but ultimately, at the end, there is always love and acceptance and support. No daughter of mine will talk to me like that--I'm not exactly the doormat type.

shuamort said:

First off, that's an unfortunate place to put an apostrophe in the title. I would hope that my sons wouldn't share a girlfriend and get their own.
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:rofl Good catch!

I have actually been in both situations (unplanned pregnancy and son with girlfriend pregnant). Nothing my children do will ever make me quit loving them. They don't have to behave in ways I approve of to continue to have mom's love. They were all adults when this happened and each made their own decision and I supported them.

Felicity said:

I'd probably slap her across the face if she talked to me like that. Then I'd show her the door. No harping--no "honoring" her either. My position on the matter is no secret mind you. If she was there to talk to me about the issue, I'd offer what I could and that would be that. I am aware that I have no "choice" in the matter.

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Thank you, my point is made. If a child makes a decision that is dramatically different than the parent regarding pregnancy, the parent at least expects the child to tolerate being "worried over" (ie harping) as though the teen shared the same values (clearly they don't if they choose the opposite). Otherwise its met with "showing them the door." In the end there is a place where you would disown your child, perhaps the place of that line is different for all of us. I thank you for dispelling the notion that all behavior and choices deserve support and love.

Summerwind said:

Thank you, my point is made. If a child makes a decision that is dramatically different than the parent regarding pregnancy, the parent at least expects the child to tolerate being "worried over" (ie harping) as though the teen shared the same values (clearly they don't if they choose the opposite). Otherwise its met with "showing them the door." In the end there is a place where you would disown your child, perhaps the place of that line is different for all of us. I thank you for dispelling the notion that all behavior and choices deserve support and love.

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Notice my edit--I thought you were referring to sons' girlfriend. I would never do what you claim you would do to my own child. Not ever.

Frolicking Dinosaurs said:

I have actually been in both situations (unplanned pregnancy and son with girlfriend pregnant). Nothing my children do will ever make me quit loving them. They don't have to behave in ways I approve of to continue to have mom's love. They were all adults when this happened and each made their own decision and I supported them.

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Then you haven't been in the situation at all, the premise is that they are teenagers, and not in a position of being able to support themselves. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? You seem to answer as pro-choice, and I would expect that answer from a pro-choicer.

Summerwind said:

Then you haven't been in the situation at all, the premise is that they are teenagers, and not in a position of being able to support themselves. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? You seem to answer as pro-choice, and I would expect that answer from a pro-choicer.

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Personally, I am opposed to abortion on religious grounds. however, I do not feel my personal feelings should make that decision illegal for others.

I did have one teen stepchild who got pregnant. She planned to keep the child (her decision with no pressure) and we were going to help her do that. She miscarried so my resolve never really got tested.

Felicity said:

Notice my edit--I thought you were referring to sons' girlfriend. I would never do what you claim you would do to my own child. Not ever.

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So your daughter could have her abortion and you'd leave it at that if she asked you to?

Frolicking Dinosaurs said:

Personally, I am opposed to abortion on religious grounds. however, I do not feel my personal feelings should make that decision illegal for others.

I did have one teen stepchild who got pregnant. She planned to keep the child (her decision with no pressure) and we were going to help her do that. She miscarried so my resolve never really got tested.

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Excellent, I very much appreciate women like yourself. Hats off! :2wave:

Summerwind said:

So your daughter could have her abortion and you'd leave it at that if she asked you to?

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I said it depends on the circumstances. I truly don't believe that "MY" daughter would have the attitude like you suggest. That's not how our children are by nature or how they are raised to act. My position on abortion is no secret. If my daughter intended to tell me, and was still living under my roof, it's because she needs my love and support in dealing with the reality of her actions. If out of the blue she went ape**** and started swearing at me and being hostile, I'd probably think she had a psychotic break.

Summerwind said:

Excellent, I very much appreciate women like yourself. Hats off! :2wave:

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Dino--congrats--you aren't "disowned!"

Felicity said:

Notice my edit--I thought you were referring to sons' girlfriend. I would never do what you claim you would do to my own child. Not ever.

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Well, if you slapped someone else's child across the face- even in the event that she asked you to back off and leave her to make her own reproductive decisions- I hope you realize there would be legal consequences.

Felicity said:

Dino--congrats--you aren't "disowned!"

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Dino isn't my child. I do believe that the choices in a pregnancy, particularly a teen pregnancy should be handled within the family, I've always said that. Dino has hers, which is likely the best. You and I have chosen opposite ends. I think you should be able to sway, motivate, and "lord" over your family as you choose, and I as I choose; with both of us knowing that Dino has the likely best way. I don't think a teenager should have total freedom of choice in this matter, they just aren't old enough to understand the repercussions of their decisions.

And since my daughter is now in a place where she could have a child anytime and I'd have no problems or worries, like Dino, I have to say I've never been put to the test to see if I'd really follow through. I think I would though, because as you would be worrying about your daughter's psyche even if she wanted you to just drop it; I'd be worrying about my daughter's psyche even if she wanted me to just drop it. I know I wouldn't be able to resist that itch, just not going to happen. So it really would be best for me to be out of the picture so my constant judgments on her wouldn't trip her or the baby up.

It's actually difficult for me to imagine what it would be like to have a daughter.
With sons, it's different. As has been suggested, the mothers of teenage sons don't really get much say. All I could do would be to set clear limits and boundaries right off the bat, as far as the extent to which I'd be able to help.
I have virtually nothing to offer a grandchild. That might change someday- anything can happen.
But I wouldn't want them to go ahead with it on the assumption that I would be able to pick up any of the slack for them. That would not be a viable plan.

Felicity, It is also worth noting that if we lived next door and I knew you had a pregnant daughter that you were coaching to have the child, . . . I would NOT, NOT, never try to tell her otherwise. Again as a teenager, if she were an adult, I probably would. And I would define adult the same as I did for my kids on the other thread; financially relatively stable, has some measurable contentment with herself, and her life; not by age. But as your dependent child, she needs to be most influenced by you.

DeeJayH said:

Me Me Me Me Me Me Me

Did You Even Read The Question Waste Of Space?

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Moderator's Warning:

Cease the personal attacks and trolling, DeeJayH.

Well...this is actually a legitimate question SW, can't say I've thought about it...

It would kind of depend on the age really, for me. If she(daughter only, I would not ever take responsibility for a son's 'gf') is 18 and independent, I would consider her an adult and me, being a man and unable to comprehend a pregnancy, would support her in whatever decision she wants to go.

If she is less than 18 and still living under my roof...well...*sigh* I know this is unwise but, as for now, I'll just decide that when/if the time comes around.

But really, I'm still too young to think about having kids and right now, I'm considering never having them. Then again that in itself may change.

Dang, I really do have to think about this...well...