So, I've decided that I'm going to learn to surf. Always wanted to, never really been around the ocean long enough to get up the nerve to do it. And I do mean: Get up the nerve to do it.
I love the water, I love being in the water, I love water sports, I love being near the water, I love the sound of the water, I love the smell of the water. I just love the water.
But I also have a fear of it, despite my former occupation and despite what I enjoy doing for fun. My worst fear is drowning. Unfamiliar water sends me into a near panic. I really have to control myself, and it's a good thing I CAN do that. It's something I've taught myself: to face my fears and not let it get the best of me. Don't panic. Relax. Deal with the situation.
On the rivers, I knew the water. I knew the rivers. I felt comfortable on, around, and in them. There was still some fear of course, water is an extremely powerful force. But mostly it was a great deal of respect for the power of water along with confidence in my own abilities.
When I went to paddle new rivers, I always spent one day "getting to know" the river. While my buds paddled the first day, I would drive and hike down the river bank, sit and watch the water and other boaters. Get to know the river. And then, if I felt comfortable with the river, I would go out the next day and conquer it. Sometimes I didn't feel comfortable though, and thus didn't paddle said river. My friends never understood it, and I never felt the need to explain myself to them. They just knew that peer pressure would not work on me, and once I'd made up my mind, it was made up. It was a Zen thing. If it didn't feel right, I didn't do it. Period.
Every time I've gone to the ocean though, to the beach, I stay in shallow water. I do not go out over my head, never have. If I accidentally get out to where I can't touch the bottom, I make my way back with haste. The ocean - while it draws me, soothes me - it also terrifies and challenges me. SCUBA diving in the ocean always set me a bit on edge too, even though I enjoyed it.
See.. things like this:
YouTube - Laird Hamilton - The greatest big wave surfer to have lived?
SCARE THE **** OUT OF ME.
You know that movie The Perfect Storm? At the end... where that one guy makes it back up to the surface only to find himself alone, in the middle of the ocean, in the midst of these monstrous waves? THAT is my absolute worst fear. Just being lost in the vastness of the ocean. A little spec dangling like a fishing bobber on the surface of something so massive it's difficult to even comprehend how massive it is. No way to really help yourself. Just dangling there at the mercy of mother nature and all her power, and all of her creatures. *shudder*
Eh, anywho, I've decided to face this particular fear of mine finally and learn how to surf. Hopefully I can find the confidence to stick with it. I guess I really mean, hopefully I can pick up the skill so that I can then find the confidence that goes along with that. I've done it in every other sport I've tried, so I just hope my trend continues. LOL
My boyfriend and I are going to take lessons in a couple weeks. It'll be my 36th bday present to myself.
Weeeeee!
I think
